Montel, not the great hope at all.

You know what they say about having expectations? How they are our own worst enemy? I mean, I don’t trust talk show, I know the whole idea of sensationalism, I tried not to go in blind, be prepared, be ready for the worst. I had even stock responses ready if, for whatever reason, things got way off track and personal and I didn’t want to feel obligated to go somewhere I was not comfortable doing. Getting ready to be THE adoption expert on the Montel show consumed the last 6 days of my life. From the first phone call on Friday last week I have been preparing, From digging up stats to studying notes, preparing paperwork, printing. Getting the look together..new suit, new shirt, new shoes, new jewelry (about 300$) Over four hours in the salon chair making my hair look more professional. (another 137). I took time off from work. ( more negative cash flow)..so not only did it cost me time, but money too. The car picked me up right on time at high noon. I have to say that it was a lovely ride to NYC. Nothing like having a chauffer driven BMW to make you feel…like Hilary Clinton. Yeah, overall..with suit and hair..every time I looked in the mirror..I just was overcome with visions of Hilary. But really, that wasn’t so bad. I mean looking like Hilary Clinton is better than looking like a glorified waitress from the boonies who likes to pretend that she is not almost 40. So I took a nap on my way in. The ride…was real nice. The ride was…the best part. Now I went into this all..the TV experience.. not knowing what to expect as I have never filmed a talk show before. And that was OK. So the fact that it was chaos was cool with me. After all they film three shows a day so I can understand that. And I could not complain the how so not swanky the studio was…and control my latent interior designer self who wanted to turn up her nose. I didn’t even mind the endless waiting in the mythical “green room” ..also not green…. It was fun to sit in the makeup chair and get all done up. The make up artist even confirmed that indeed I do look like Cindy Lauper as she has worked on her before..so all those folks who say that to me at the restaurant...OK you are right. It was just as nice to have someone else fix my newly repaired coif and make it even more Hilary. I didn’t care that I sat all day. Though by 5 I was anxious to finally just do it. So, the last minute going over the show with the producers…I didn’t get to meet nor talk to Montel until I actually was being filmed. They tell me that they have an adoption lawyer on too as another guest. Great. He’s from Florida..not A Chosen Child..which I could have ripped into with my eyes closed..so I panic as I have no laptop and I can’t get any background. I consider calling home in a panic, having Rye get me Kelly’s number that is < DOH> sitting on my desk..and hoping she is available to feed me info. But I decide that I can handle it..afterall I have studied my notes and key phrases to death. I even stop reading them and just say..Ok I am ready. Yeah, I have a feeling that, maybe, I am going to be set up? After all I had to sign some waiver that says how I understand that they might pull punches and I might get upset and I can’t sue. So they move the other guest, three sets of adoptive parents, down stairs, and then come get me and the lawyer, Jeff. We get to hang out in some other not swanky area while they begin to film the first segments and we can watch the fed so we know what has gone on. As we are waiting, we begin to chat. And he asks me what I am..and is totally flabbergasted..lol: “what do you mean adoption reform? What’s wrong with adoption” “What’s not wrong with adoption? Let’s just say I am not a fan” “Not fan of adoption? I don’t understand” “Well let’s see….how about the mess of laws, how about uninformed consent, how about open records, now about coersion”..etc. I can tell that he really is just amazed hat someone might not think that adoption is the greatest thing in the world. So he say…”well, what about when the birthmother is a crack head?’ And I am like ready to pee my pants..as I am going to let him go off on his tirade about Crack whore birth mothers and THEN I am going to say so sweetly how thanks but *I* am not a crack head and neither are many others…BUT then one of the show people who knows his sisters kid or something breaks in and starts yapping with him and then suddenly. I am swooped and moved back upstairs. “They have decide to keep us separate” Okay…so I am back up in my green room…waiting. ( edit to add..I have found the lawyer guy..Jeff Kasky..and I DO like that he does not have some lie filled crap bull website. Makes me almost want to continue that conversation...) So they start the show. And from the first minute in..I am like Oh noooooo. First, Montel lets on that HE is thinking about adoption. And that he needs to know this stuff too. Then surprise, he had decided at the last minute to have on, in shadow, the sound chick who is in the middle of a Guat adoption and exploit her feelings..so a time sucker. So the producer girls, who were all really sweet, are going “What is he doing?..Man, he is all over the place!” And I can clearly see that this show is ALL about the poor, poor adoptive parents. Gulp. I am thinking that I will be lynched. I mean he is flipping out about how horrible it must have been for these folks to lay out all this money to get a baby and then come home to an empty room and never get over it. Meanwhile, Jeff, the lawyer is out there..not on stage, but in a chair..so they cut to him who actually says “ Florida has some of the tightest laws and they consider the rights of both the adoptive parents and the birth mothers and it is all about the best interest of the child”..I can’t even do anything …I am not there. I choke alone ..waiting. So the first couple got scammed by the dateline scammer..and even the father is pushing out some tears. Meanwhile they keep calling her the “birthmother” and she was never even pregnant..she was just a scammer. Then Montel goes into this long tirade about even now that they have adopted another boy, do they wonder what happened to that little girl they didn’t get. What girl? There was NO baby? It was a fantasy baby!!! But according to Montel, they will spend the rest of their lives mourning over a baby that NEVER EXISTED!! Yeah, I am soo set up. Looking back at this point, I should have been like, hey…take back your 25 bucks ( yeah, we all got 25 dollars to appear!! Woohoo!), I can’t take part in this. But I am still thinking that I can say a few good lines? Maybe? Then the next couple went to Guat and got kicked out of PGN coz the signatures didn’t match up. I am thinking that it sounds very familier as I have heard of this before and is actually a sign that they system is working. But then their agency asked them to send bribe money so they backed out. OK..unethical and they were cool about it. They were like all..OK we couldn’t have kids, we didn’t do well with adoption, maybe we are just not meant to be parents. And again, Montel is all about how this ruined their lives..and then he is shouting to the lawyer guy..”Hey how can we get these people a baby! They deserve to be parents!!” Yes, I should have ran away and took a train back home. Screw the nice ride. So finally I get to go on. By this time I can see that there is NOT much time left. I was even wondering if they were going to use me at all. But I get to go on. I sit next to Montel. I kick him in the leg as I go to cross my legs. Yipes! But he’s cool. He introduces me..and I basically get to say ..nothing. Yes, I got to say that adoption is all about the money. I got to say that it was worth 1.4 billion in 2000 and project even conservatively at 11.4 % growth to over 3 billion by the end of this year. Yes, I got to make a snide comment when he referred to Madonna’s adoption. Something along the lines of Montel saying “ I am not a rich white singer so I can’t go and just buy a baby. And I said heck, you got the cash, you could buy a baby..and then he said it wouldn’t work because he was a black man and you have to be a white lady. Whatever…I am not into playing some race thing. I know I got to expain..I don’t know why..I was trying to lead into something! How the three main forms of adoption, Foster, international and domestic..and how foster is where the kids really don’t have homes..and when people say all “ohh all those kids” it’s the foster kids, but no one really wants them..and that IA’s people like because you are basically guaranteed a baby at the end, and I did say something about making the reins tighter for domestic adoption then maybe the kids who really need homes might get them….Damn, I even said the damn birthmother word ! UGGG! Slaps self! Like I knew that the audience at this time was so primed to be all so “poor poor heartbroken adoptive parents” that I had to tread gently or no one would hear anything..but I basically got to say NOTHING. Nothing about how the scams work both ways and that natural families get screwed. Nothing about lack of open agreements. Nothing about reform..the movement, reference SoA, or Origins, or loss or even that I AM ONE OF THOSE HORRIBLE BIRTHMOTHERS that we have just blasted!!( who just happens to look like Hilary Clinton). NOTHING!!! In fact, at one point, Montel is like bugging out. He is yelling about “How can he get a baby. Where can I get a baby? “..like on and on…and I am sitting next to him and trying not to physically recoil form the brunt force of his mad baby lust and overwhelming sense of entitlement that is in my face. I am really just grossed out. And he turns to me and says “How can I get a baby?” and I really really WANTED to say…you know that thing in your pants? But all I could mutter is “I can’t tell you that” because I DON’T SUPPORT YOU GETTING BABY MONTEL! Especially when you act like this! Like OMG,….Don’t ask ME that! And I tried so hard to say “ You know..its not about what you want, Montel…it’s suppose to be about finding a home for a child that needs it..not making you happy“, but I never got to say another word. He was a maniac I tell you..he hogs the damn show! And even the “tips” that I so carefully prepared to expose potential Aps to read and get into the right places like blogs, SoA and OUSA…Montel asked the Lawyer for them…so he got HIS tips up..as I sat there.looking like…yeah, Hilary. The only good thing is that Jennifer one of the producer girls, said that as Jeff was reading his tips. The camera panned to me and I was making one of my sarcastic “whatever, you are so full of shit” faces..and she said that it was priceless and she would make sure that it was not cut out. And then..it was over. We got hustled out of there as fast as you could say boo. Get your bags, get your complimentary T-shirt and hat, and bet back into the BMW. I was able to say that it was like bad sex and it was. Actually, it was more like first time sex…after planning a great romantic getaway or maybe thinking about losing your virginity after the prom? All the hype, making sure it is all perfect..and then really really disappointing sex. Like that’s it? That’s all it was? What about my needs? I feel very, very frustrated and really…I wish I was not attached to that show. It is HORRIBLE. I am embarrassed. I don’t wish I didn’t do it, but it sure was not what I had expected. I am not even unhappy with my performance, which is what I feared..but the lack of time, not opportunity for me to even say anything really meaty, the total BIAS of the whole thing..really makes me sick. It just perpetuates the stereotypes and is gross. Yes, I can say I was on TV. I am glad I have that under my belt. Yes, it was an opportunity and MAYBE I got though to ONE person?? But I doubt that. It was BAD. So I am trying to look at this as a good learning experience, but all and all, it was very disappointing. It defiantly was NOT the great marching in with truth as I would have like. I feel very sad. I feel like I let so many people down. And I know it is not MY fault..I tried. So I don’t blame me..or even the producers…I think they really wanted it to be better…but Montel….OMG..he just personified every bad stereotype of an prospective adoptive parent and he ruined it completely with his freak outs. So all and all ..a total waste of time. Sigh. Don’t ask me when it will be on. The less people that see it the better. I just want to forget it ever happened. ETA: OK.. two years later, I have finially got it online! Here i is, the Adoption Scam Fiasco on Montel