Comments on Musings of the Lame: It's not about you, but it is..

Wonderful post Karen WB I feel the exact same way ...

2007-04-06T17:37:52.377-04:00

Wonderful post Karen WB I feel the exact same way as you do. Adoption is a failed social experiment, and it has nothing to do with children, nor has it ever.

Only in a real case of child abuse should a child ever not be raised with their own parents. If that is the case the child should have the right to be raised with relatives, failing that in a legal MONITORED guardianship where the

good grief. i'm an adoptee, and completely blown ...

2007-04-03T19:22:26.307-04:00

good grief. i'm an adoptee, and completely blown away. what an absolutely amazing post. bravo:))))

jeni

"Maybe things can change.It's worth trying to me."...

2007-04-02T22:24:41.867-04:00

"Maybe things can change.
It's worth trying to me."

Thanks, Claud. And thanks, many natural mothers here, including Nicole, who get that many are trying to get it and do something about it.

Incredible.........

2007-04-02T00:13:16.584-04:00

Incredible.........

But isn't this the bottom line, Claud, in your own...

2007-04-01T18:55:57.895-04:00

But isn't this the bottom line, Claud, in your own words?

"Do you want to have a universe, a climate in this counrty where the governement spends money on known progams that fail...?"

Adoption fails... it has failed. There is no "reforming" what has failed from the beginning to today.

And adoption isn't broken because it never worked to begin with except for the

Claud, I think you're awsome! I just loved what yo...

2007-03-30T04:58:06.531-04:00

Claud, I think you're awsome! I just loved what you said about the truth and the truth growing. That truth is the only way we're going to create a better world for our children and also to gain enough understanding to live in the here and now in a way that we can live with ourselves and also be there for everybody else.

I commend you and everybody else on these blogs for speaking the

Whew! I am all about co-parenting situautions. I d...

2007-03-27T12:51:42.940-04:00

Whew! I am all about co-parenting situautions.

I don't know about legally, but as far as really and trully sharing in the parenting and all being very involved and spending a lot of time together and being there for the child...heck yeah!

I am lucky, that the couple who adopted my daughter are kind of like that. Although unfortunately I think it's to some degree because they

The fact is some of us APs do care. If we didn't c...

2007-03-27T10:56:07.646-04:00

The fact is some of us APs do care. If we didn't care we wouldn't be reading Claud's blog, or any natural mom's or adoptees blogs, or supporting the efforts of those organizations working on reform (why should we start our own group when we can support groups already in place?), or writing to our Congresspeople on various issues, or posting on SofA, or discussing ethics issues on their own blogs

Look, I am not disagreeing at all that bad things ...

2007-03-27T09:30:41.995-04:00

Look, I am not disagreeing at all that bad things have happened. That to me is part and parcal of the truth. Thats the personal experiences on BEBA are REAL, that there was and IS coercion, that there are sides with money and power who seek to profit from sealed records to hide their secrets, and transfering the babies, etc...Those are facts. How I was stripped of my motherhood by mistruths and

Please please read some of our stories at Mothers ...

2007-03-27T02:29:53.420-04:00

Please please read some of our stories at Mothers Exploited By Adoption and the pain and loss and feelings of violation and helplessness. This is why many of us feel that adoption cannot be reformed and that those who took our babies will never join our side, because there is nothing in common, no equality of

Reform has to start somewhere. I don't know where ...

2007-03-27T00:30:27.107-04:00

Reform has to start somewhere. I don't know where that "aha" moment began for anyone else, but I KNOW when it began for ME. I can only speak for MYSELF. My daughter is only 5 years old...and that is how long I have been researching.

I've been reading alot of adoption blogs lately that have brought alot of "issues" in my mind to the forefront. Some I agree with, others I don't. But I

Or we could just throw our hands in the air and gi...

2007-03-27T00:27:22.652-04:00

Or we could just throw our hands in the air and give up before we even start. Yeah. Because all kinds of change is affected that way.

As for me, I'd rather try to promote change, no matter what the naysayers say. Triad or not, it's a matter of semantics. Try "those of us affected by adoption" if it's more pleasing to you. Whatever works. Never mind those in the Baby Scoop Era. We

Mom2one, you said "Put all parts of the triad toge...

2007-03-27T00:10:05.462-04:00

Mom2one, you said "Put all parts of the triad together as one force and that is POWERFUL."

the problem is that teh "triad" is a complete and utter MYTH. Adoption is NOT a "triad". It is a four-party transaction! There are brokers and customers on one side, and mothers and babies on the other side. (Ignoring those mothers like some who seem to have willingly and joyfully gave away

"You took the words right out of my mouth" quoted ...

2007-03-26T22:06:42.729-04:00

"You took the words right out of my mouth" quoted from a Meatloaf song. I have linked this post to my blog. We have got to stop arguing so hatefully amongst each other. We must change adoption. The only way I know how to do it is to my money where my mouth is. I write my legislators, I write newspapers, and I write on my blog. If I could get to Austin or Indianapolis I would shake down the

Well, I guess I was told by a totally anonymous pe...

2007-03-26T22:02:58.929-04:00

Well, I guess I was told by a totally anonymous person!! PLEASE!! Hmmmm I have the balls to say who I am and what I believe in...please don't assume you know every nuance of my sons adoption even if you choose to read my blog. It is not all there somethings are not for public broadcasting and I have the respect of my sons first mom to protect here and her life as well...one can be and ADOPTER and

For what it's worth, I hate the changed birth cert...

2007-03-26T20:30:08.365-04:00

For what it's worth, I hate the changed birth certificates. Hate them. But it's all we have. We can try to get that changed; I would love to. I think it's assinine to have a certificate that says that my son was born to me; he wasn't. I think it disrespects him and his mother. In a way, it disrespects me and his father too, because it basically makes us out to be morons who buy into

Sylvia - I would give anything to have my daughter...

2007-03-26T20:09:57.223-04:00

Sylvia - I would give anything to have my daughter's mother's name on her birth certificate. Having my name there is moronic. But see, I didn't have a choice.

Claud, I love this post. I think your approach is brilliant.

I really think that adopters who actually DO suppo...

2007-03-26T20:09:47.700-04:00

I really think that adopters who actually DO support reform should put their money where they mouths are and begin by reuniting the family they (intentionally or unintentionally) dismembered. If you did it in ignorance, not realizing your part in coercion, then apologize and admit your error. Everyone makes mistakes. But raising a child that was obtained through coercion and exploitation of a

"Jen co, if you have gone through the list of coer...

2007-03-26T19:01:18.789-04:00

"Jen co, if you have gone through the list of coercion tactics and can truly say that none of them were used on the natural mother of your child, if indeed she got to keep and raise her child past it's birth, to nurture and breastfeed that child for several weeks until the hormonal and bodily changes of birth were past and any postpartum depression diagnosed and treated, if indeed the mother was

brandi, I am talking about what they can do to mov...

2007-03-26T18:44:14.756-04:00

brandi, I am talking about what they can do to move forward. They can take the future action of undoing the damage they did, if indeed they relied on coercion and exploitation to obtain a child.

if they do this, then i can trust them. and only then.

Jen co, if you have gone through the list of coercion tactics and can truly say that none of them were used on the natural

Sylvia, this seems to be the exact discussion of p...

2007-03-26T17:11:19.212-04:00

Sylvia, this seems to be the exact discussion of past actions that Claud was speaking against.

Rather than put a number of APs on the defensive with regard to their own adoptions, the specifics of which you know nothing about, can we please all find a way to move forward, together, towards reform?

What can we all do, today, to help, regardless of our position on the adoption

To the anons: You don't know my story so don't pas...

2007-03-26T16:28:18.410-04:00

To the anons: You don't know my story so don't pass judgement on something you have no clue about. If you have something productive to say, why are you hiding behind the name "anonymous"?

Sylvia said...

"I really think that adopters who actually DO support reform should put their money where they mouths are and begin by reuniting the family they (intentionally or

And just to be clear. I'm not anti-adoption. I'm...

2007-03-26T13:55:51.222-04:00

And just to be clear. I'm not anti-adoption. I'm not pro-adoption either. What I am is pro-adoption reform.

Besides, some of us would not be able to find our children's firstparents, those of us who adopted internationally, for example. And even if adoption reform in this country wouldn't affect us on a personal level, we're still interested in affecting change. Some of us

See the thing is...Syvia, I don't want to have to ...

2007-03-26T12:48:10.500-04:00

See the thing is...Syvia, I don't want to have to "punish" (for lack of a better word) APs that DO get it and will really work on changing things, by saying.."Ok good!..now give the kids back!"

Do I think, beleive, in my heart that many of us moms would just be thrilled for that! Sure! But, as much as I would like to see every family reunited...I just know that's not going to happen. If

I'm just going to chime in and say that I am reall...

2007-03-26T12:28:01.672-04:00

I'm just going to chime in and say that I am really in support of ANY person who supports adoption reform, whatever position they are in, whatever has happened in the past....sheesh, even they were previously the most evil adoption agency worker you can imagine, if they read and learn and grow and discover that all that stuff of the past is horrible and they want to see it look different, than