tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19573045.post115756771368749942..comments2007-02-17T11:47:03.898-05:00FauxClaudhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00794052679215498158fixadoption@gmail.comBlogger22125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19573045.post-1157784016882156902006-09-09T02:40:16.883-04:002006-09-09T02:40:16.883-04:00

Per Pearl Buck..<BR/>""My husband and I thought our family of five adopted children was complete when she first came to us. Her birth mother was a girl in a small town in Germany. Her father was an American soldier who was killed.""<BR/><BR/>Pearl calls the mother of the child 'birthmother', but refers to the father of the child, only as 'father', with no dis-qualifier. The mother becomes the

chnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19573045.post-1157749524095533632006-09-08T17:05:24.096-04:002006-09-08T17:05:24.096-04:00

The history of the term "birthmother" is really interesting. <BR/><BR/>I'm still perplexed about the uproar of one simple word. I understand that some people find it offensive, but it's a word. <BR/><BR/>AdoptionRoadKill: I can't really define my biological mother (the term I tend to use most) in any other term because I don't know her. I've never seen her and I have no relationship with

Miss Keekshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14278971752225538837noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19573045.post-1157671488982882272006-09-07T19:24:48.983-04:002006-09-07T19:24:48.983-04:00

Daughter of 2 mothers said, " I never used the term as a term of disrespect - but of respect. "<BR/><BR/>Regardless of whether Adoptionroadkill thinks the term "birthmother" respectful or not, if Daughter of 2 mothers MEANS it respectfully, she's hardly being disrespectful. Disrespect implies intent.<BR/><BR/>And as far as expressing opinions goes, that's all that Auntie's doing - expressing her

Kippa Herringhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04576537048030088487noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19573045.post-1157667262038513832006-09-07T18:14:22.036-04:002006-09-07T18:14:22.036-04:00

So suntie, then Daughter to 2 women is allowed to express her opinion, but adoptionrodakill is not?<BR/><BR/>I don't see any intolerance here. What I see here is two women expressing their different opinion. Why is one opinion fine and the other mistreatment? As an adoptee myself, I would just read her opinion, consider it, and then go about my business. If someone was berating me, then it would

Umbilicly Challengedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16305713777055302971noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19573045.post-1157656176020546722006-09-07T15:09:36.020-04:002006-09-07T15:09:36.020-04:00

adoptionroadkill, adoptee is entitled to her own thoughts/feelings on how she creates her relationship with all her moms. Is this how you treat adoptees here????? wow. <BR/><BR/>On the other hand maybe I need to look at my own expectations. Maybe this is not the place to ask for tolerance? I certainly can just sit and listen....just was feeling a little defensive for adoptee who seemed to be

auntienoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19573045.post-1157645414115517502006-09-07T12:10:14.116-04:002006-09-07T12:10:14.116-04:00

dear adoptee, there is nothing respectful about reducing a mother to being a walking uterus, to saying that she is (was) only your mother for the purposes of gestation and being strapped down to the delivery table to have you exit the birth canal, but never afterwards. <BR/><BR/>calling her your "birthmother" also means that you consider yourself to NOT be her daughter any longer. this would mean

adoptionroadkillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06871325075072428997noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19573045.post-1157639473328333192006-09-07T10:31:13.330-04:002006-09-07T10:31:13.330-04:00

What an interesting post. As an adoptee, I use the term birthmother. I never used the term as a term of disrespect - but of respect. The other terms just feel wrong to me. That is my thought about it.

Daughter of 2 womenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00231782723632265346noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19573045.post-1157606221771906222006-09-07T01:17:01.773-04:002006-09-07T01:17:01.773-04:00

- <A HREF="http://www.nebula.on.ca/canbmothers/English/articles/name.htm" REL="nofollow">Canadian Council of Natural Mothers Name Change</A>.- http://www.nebula.on.ca/canbmothers/English/articles/name.htm<BR/>- <A HREF="http://www.nebula.on.ca/canbmothers/English/articles/adoption-friendly.htm" REL="nofollow">Adoption-Friendly Language or Honest Adoption Language</A> - http://www.nebula.on.ca/

Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19573045.post-1157593413974318572006-09-06T21:43:33.976-04:002006-09-06T21:43:33.976-04:00

"Exiled Mothers Mobilizing Actively" would have been an nice name. It is being used right now in Canada. <A HREF="http://mothers-in-exile.tripod.com" REL="nofollow">http://mothers-in-exile.tripod.com</A> . EMMA is a nice acronym. CUB could use this as a nice, warm-fuzzy name if it wants warm-and-fuzzy.<BR/><BR/>CCBM became CCNM a few years ago as well. They have a page about this at <A HREF="

Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19573045.post-1157590686469839112006-09-06T20:58:06.470-04:002006-09-06T20:58:06.470-04:00

Many of us CUB members do have senses of humor. However, I think Umbilicly Challenged's suggestion -"Concerned United Natal Tummymummies" might go over like a Lead Zeppelin. Then again, some would probably like calling us that!

Cookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17873197291035212912noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19573045.post-1157588006812256082006-09-06T20:13:26.813-04:002006-09-06T20:13:26.813-04:00

this is a tough one. glad you are hitting it head on. pearl buck - who knew???<BR/>so i now have to close peeps in my orb "getting" some kiddies from china. hard to clam me up but good golly it does. need you to help me wirte some letters so they get all they can abt the "birth moms"...

kmctfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02870853206712999624noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19573045.post-1157581349680766212006-09-06T18:22:29.680-04:002006-09-06T18:22:29.680-04:00

I always thought that birthmother was a ridiculous term. What's even more ridiculous is that there are people out there who have adopted calling the mums their "Tummymummies". Or making the children call their own mums "My Tummymummy". That is such a saccharin, stupid term. Then on a message board debating the use of birthmother, one poster suggested that they use "Natal Mother" in place of the

Umbilicly Challengedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16305713777055302971noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19573045.post-1157581167516007702006-09-06T18:19:27.516-04:002006-09-06T18:19:27.516-04:00

It's possible that the term "birthmother" was coined in the U.K in the 1950's. <BR/>But, as someone who did her time (six months) in two consecutive 'maternity prisons' in the U.K during the early '60's, I can honestly say I never heard the term used by anyone.

Kippa Herringhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04576537048030088487noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19573045.post-1157578078768066402006-09-06T17:27:58.770-04:002006-09-06T17:27:58.770-04:00

The term “birthmother” was coined by social workers in United Kingdom maternity prisons in the 1950’s to replace the term “natural mother.” It was further promoted by social workers in the United States in the 1970’s. This word was coined to define us as having been mothers at the time of birth but not after<BR/><BR/><BR/>now this makes alot of sense to me and it clearly spells the agenda of the

Carol C.noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19573045.post-1157575233820607412006-09-06T16:40:33.820-04:002006-09-06T16:40:33.820-04:00

I disagree with you on this, Claud. the term "birthmother" with or without the space was NEVER good. it meant and still means a mother for birthing purposes only. a broodmare. a breeder. They chose it so they wouldn't offend the adoptive parents they were courting and trying to influence to open up adoptions and open records.

adoptionroadkillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06871325075072428997noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19573045.post-1157575124214930462006-09-06T16:38:44.216-04:002006-09-06T16:38:44.216-04:00

CUB i am certain began using it in order to pay homage to their hero of open records, baby-broker Annette Barran. She was promoting open adoption and open records along with Panor and Sorosky (mid 1970's). <BR/><BR/>"Baby Broker" because she managed the adoption agency that stole my friend's child through massive fraud and illegal actions (which she now claims "shouldn't have happened").<BR/><

Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19573045.post-1157574501390071012006-09-06T16:28:21.390-04:002006-09-06T16:28:21.390-04:00

Cookie..I agree with you 100% on that..and why am I not surprised?<BR/><BR/>I think the intent was for good, and I think it was good in the beginning. Its just so messed up now...and things in life do change...always evolving.

FauxClaudhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00794052679215498158noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19573045.post-1157574016939256452006-09-06T16:20:16.940-04:002006-09-06T16:20:16.940-04:00

P.S. Ms. Buck used it as two words. Maybe CUB combined it to make the group name work better? I wish that they had not, but, how could they have known how it would have been misused and eventually have such negative connotations.

Cookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17873197291035212912noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19573045.post-1157573590436288442006-09-06T16:13:10.436-04:002006-09-06T16:13:10.436-04:00

If CUB coined the phrase, which I am leaning towards believing, they had no idea how it would eventually be misused. The word took hold with sws, adoptive parents and agencies, and THEY made it into an icky word. CUB members do take the credit (or blame) for the word. http://darkwing.uoregon.edu/~adoption/people/CUB.htm<BR/><BR/>The word isn't the problem - it is using the word to intentionally

Cookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17873197291035212912noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19573045.post-1157571298607716252006-09-06T15:34:58.606-04:002006-09-06T15:34:58.606-04:00

you are RIGHT ON, Claud!

adoptionroadkillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06871325075072428997noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19573045.post-1157570063063055262006-09-06T15:14:23.063-04:002006-09-06T15:14:23.063-04:00

Third mom, this information is good. the source for the word's use in British maternity prisons is Patricia Basquill of Trackers International, who heard this word used by the wardens (social workers in this case, nuns ran other such prisons such as the Magdeline Laundries) when she herself was incarcerated in such a prison in that era. i will contact Patricia and see if she can provide more

Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19573045.post-1157568870488892752006-09-06T14:54:30.490-04:002006-09-06T14:54:30.490-04:00

I googled "birthmother" and "coined," and the list was pretty amazing. One entry caught my eye, in a footnote on an about.com entry on this topic here - http://adoption.about.com/od/adoptionissues/a/motherhoodissue_2.htm:<BR/><BR/>"The term “birthmother” was coined by social workers in United Kingdom maternity prisons in the 1950’s to replace the term “natural mother.” It was further promoted by

Third Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06310395341252295955noreply@blogger.com