Comments on Musings of the Lame: Things that bite:

Wow.This is sad.I guess I never thought of it beca...

2009-03-11T06:50:49.853-04:00

Wow.This is sad.I guess I never thought of it because in our adotopi discussions -we haven't adopted (yet)- we've always thought we'd adopt an orphan. After this post, I really hope so, because knowing the pain the birthmother may be going through would tear me apart.These are the stories that never get told.Thank you for enlightening me.

I find some information here.

2006-07-23T14:07:08.356-04:00

I find some information here.

Greets to the webmaster of this wonderful site! Ke...

2006-07-21T17:30:28.643-04:00

Greets to the webmaster of this wonderful site! Keep up the good work. Thanks.
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Very well put. I couldn't have said it better mys...

2006-06-03T01:02:58.020-04:00

Very well put. I couldn't have said it better myself.

It gets me all weepy just reading this and all my emotions surfacing, but that's nothing new. I go through that every day as a firstmother.

The part where you mentioned how some see that sadness in your eyes or can tell something's different and gently ask what happened is one thing that got me. I've had that happen to me

Thank you for totally debunking the myth that any ...

2006-05-31T15:05:24.800-04:00

Thank you for totally debunking the myth that any mother can fully move past the loss of a child. This post should be required reading for any adoptive parent, prospective or otherwise.

Margie
Adoptive mom to two teens

I wish everyone could read this post and the comme...

2006-05-31T13:15:01.216-04:00

I wish everyone could read this post and the comments. So much here... so much!

This is really painful to read. I am going to be a...

2006-05-30T13:12:29.293-04:00

This is really painful to read. I am going to be an adoptive parent soon (international). We've lost three pregnancies, one quite late. I know it is not the same thing at all, but I and probably other mothers with children who were not born dread the dates, innocent questions and comments. I think alot about the mom to be and what she is going through. We will have the option of open connections

"I wish I could say that this was a miserable expe...

2006-05-29T16:00:32.696-04:00

"I wish I could say that this was a miserable experience, but in truth it wasn't. Not for him and not for anyone else. "

anonymous ... part of where you are coming from is that this is very new to you. you say your son is young, and thus you only surrendered him w/in a few years, right?

you and he haven't lived with this for decades yet, and like you i thought i had healed too

((Claud)) Yup, all true.

2006-05-29T11:10:58.273-04:00

((Claud)) Yup, all true.

To anonymous:I am an adoptee to doesn't experience...

2006-05-29T02:15:55.780-04:00

To anonymous:
I am an adoptee to doesn't experience herself as unwanted or unloved, doesn't mean I got off scar free.

As my bmom told me, "protecting the status-quo is one way the devil comes dressed as a gentlemen"

But one question, Why is your name anonymous?

I won't be made to feel bad about myself or my dec...

2006-05-28T21:35:18.286-04:00

I won't be made to feel bad about myself or my decisions. Not everyone's adoption is bad. Not every adoptee turns out to be someone who feels unwanted or unloved. I made the right choice for my family at the time. If it is wrong then I will live with what happens not anyone else. Stop judging people you don't know. I stated my opinion and that is it. I am not a bad mother and I am not a bad

wow. excellent post. i could comment further but l...

2006-05-28T21:11:24.753-04:00

wow. excellent post. i could comment further but lived through some of this as recent as this a.m. and I am still reeling.

My God, Claud. Did I write this?Imagine working in...

2006-05-28T19:49:55.206-04:00

My God, Claud. Did I write this?

Imagine working in the media. Imagine a live newscast. Imagine me. Not a daily occurence on our news station but, since it is so sporadic, when adoption is mentioned on our newscast, I almost ALWAYS make a mistake on the next story.

And in every NBC show, there's some kind of effing adoption. And I hate it all. It's in my face.

I don't

claud, what you say is so very true. and it's amaz...

2006-05-28T18:40:27.513-04:00

claud, what you say is so very true. and it's amazing how many women who have recently (within the last 10 to 15 years) are so very blind to their pain. denial. dissociation. repression.

and they think (like this last poster), that they made a "decision". yeah, "DAMNED PROUD", the way you put it about your "choice," you didn't want your kid, did you? otherwise you would have kept it

Why hide things? My two older children know about ...

2006-05-28T17:35:49.873-04:00

Why hide things? My two older children know about my son and that he was adopted by friends of mine. They know the whys, the hows, and everything else there is to know. My birthson now knows that he is adopted and most of why things turned out the way they did. When someone asks me about my kids I tell them. I have 3! If they want to know it all then I tell them. I have lived with doubt and shame

amen! the problem, for me, lies in trying to descr...

2006-05-28T14:15:30.890-04:00

amen! the problem, for me, lies in trying to describe this for those around me, who STILL just don't get it. including my own father who says, "what is the matter, he
turned out fine?" WTF? dad, can't you see that i didn't, that i am not OK?"
and my son, my firstborn, wants NOTHING to do with me, or the two children that i have at home. yeah, funny thing, no one mentioned that

You describe it very well.

2006-05-28T12:58:28.536-04:00

You describe it very well.

It'a funny to read about the "if onlys" I just bl...

2006-05-28T12:57:45.150-04:00

It'a funny to read about the "if onlys" I just blogged about this too. Maybe I see it differently though.
Raising a child without the resources is difficult, so difficult in fact that it may cause one to not raise another that comes along.
Keeping may result in a different loss. That is the way I see it, because that is the way I experienced it.

Joy

I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. Fo...

2006-05-28T12:25:21.310-04:00

I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. For me there is one similar thing. Such as with both kids having their issues... The doctors want my medical history. I can give them my mother's - But I always have to say, "I'm sorry but I don't know who my father is." And I get the LOOK. The one that either wonders what happened, pity, or blatant curiousity.