Comments on Musings of the Lame: The Solutions

One of our States here in Australia has recently b...

2010-02-19T20:15:07.832-05:00

One of our States here in Australia has recently brought in rights for under 18's.It has my enthusiastic support.

HR1057/S1931: Adoption Tax Relief Guarantee Act.S2...

2006-01-16T15:29:56.933-05:00

HR1057/S1931: Adoption Tax Relief Guarantee Act.

S2128:The Natural Born Citizen Act.
Clarifies that the term “natural born Citizen,

S1934/HR3896: The Intercountry Adoption Reform Act of 2003
HR 1229: Adoption Information Act.
Requires family planning projects and programs to provide clients with unplanned pregnancies pamphlets containing the contact information of

Yes, yes, yes, and yes!!!I am tired of fighting. I...

2006-01-16T15:22:09.716-05:00

Yes, yes, yes, and yes!!!

I am tired of fighting. It's like everytime I say "hey, A and B bad thngs still happen"..someone can tell me that "well we did C & D"..which is great, but A & B still happened! I want to see C & D across the board!!

I know I can make some huge proclamation of radical abolish adoption thingy..and NOTHING will happen with that. It will sit and gather

Roe vs. Wade was a state decision made by the U.S....

2006-01-16T15:06:08.826-05:00

Roe vs. Wade was a state decision made by the U.S. Supreme Court. To this day, abortion law is governed by states, not the national govt. Adoption law, unfortunately, is the same. It will be like nailing jello to the wall trying to convince the federal government to make adoption their issue, and take it out of the hands of the state. I hate to sound so negative, but as an attorney (and

aah, the she said, she said game. here's the thing...

2006-01-16T14:30:40.746-05:00

aah, the she said, she said game.

here's the thing, in my mind. all those statistics we all like to quote? well, they're only sampling a small part of any population. to rely on them as 'the word' is just useless. we just won't know until adoption in the u.s. is federally regulated and tracked.

i hate the conversations where we start fighting. it's not doing any good for

i haven't had time to read all of the comments yet...

2006-01-16T10:05:07.980-05:00

i haven't had time to read all of the comments yet, but just wanted to say that i think this is a *great* post! i think all of your ideas are spot on.

i'm an adoptive mom, and my son's first parents signed consent forms at day 8 (could have been as early as day 3), but didn't relinquish parental rights until 3 months. in pennsylvania, that has since been changed to 1 month. i have to

MY anonymous posters...why do I always get the bla...

2006-01-15T14:48:25.636-05:00

MY anonymous posters...why do I always get the blame?? LOL

Now I have to go see what they did at your house!!

And..it is funny ( not in the LOL way, but in that sad way) how they can now judge how our mothering skills are based on blogs.

And just for the record, I never said agencies "st...

2006-01-15T13:22:29.930-05:00

And just for the record, I never said agencies "stole" babies. I said agencies have one thing in mind: money. Duh. Learn how to read. It's good for the soul. Mmm, soul food.

Okay. I'm done. ;)

Not really. If you need me, dear Claud, yell.

Sure. Alter ego it is. I'm not feeling very nice a...

2006-01-15T13:20:40.430-05:00

Sure. Alter ego it is. I'm not feeling very nice as I'm pretty sure that one of your anonymous commenters got pissed at me, bounded over to my blog and decided to say that biological parents aren't as good as adoptive parents.

So yeah, I'm pretty pissy today. Lemme attem.

Claud, i tell you what, I so applaud youur strengt...

2006-01-15T13:00:16.323-05:00

Claud, i tell you what, I so applaud youur strength in being willing to continually have these debates. When I hear things like, "few blogging birthmothers would make good moms," I wonder who gets to decide that? And how do you know how emotionally stable a woman would be if she had kept? Yes, most bio-moms have issues. They are dealing with the tremendous trauma of having lost their children.

Ok again we are playing with little words such as ...

2006-01-15T12:51:50.786-05:00

Ok again we are playing with little words such as "all" and "some"...no not all agencies are horrible, but alot are..and that's just one too many. Adoption has EVOLVED and some places are bottom feeders, some are morally cool. I like the idea of making the botom feeders an extint species. Maybe your experiences have not been with big bad agancies, but you can't say they don't exist because you

I think the anonymous above is a crock.

2006-01-15T12:46:49.686-05:00

I think the anonymous above is a crock.

Ms. Mom, you have to realize that not all agencies...

2006-01-15T12:30:50.520-05:00

Ms. Mom, you have to realize that not all agencies are like how you describe. Some are extremely upfront. I just last week spoke to a birthmother counselor at a local agency. She is a brilliant young woman who is also an adoptee (one who is actually well-adjusted and had wonderful adoptive parents). She tells prospective birthmothers her own birthmother's story and how difficult it was for

See, when you say that every 10 minutes a mother a...

2006-01-15T12:22:46.483-05:00

See, when you say that every 10 minutes a mother and child are separated through adoption, you must realize that this is not just voluntary placements (if it is even true). Many are state led separations, because it's in the child's best interests, as are many voluntary placements. I have to admit that you are one of the few blogging bmoms I've read where I haven't thought "this woman would

To quote third anonymous: Birthmothers today are o...

2006-01-15T12:10:37.683-05:00

To quote third anonymous: Birthmothers today are older (twenties), often married, 80% are already parenting at least one child (both of my kids' were second children)...these are not naive girls. They know what they are making for a choice.

I'd like to call bullshit.

BULL. SHIT.

Your stats may be somewhat correct but saying that these women know what they are

There is this funny thing going on...see, natural ...

2006-01-15T11:50:12.546-05:00

There is this funny thing going on...see, natural paents, in an open adoption..they don't really tell the adoptive parestt of their child what they feel. They really can't, often. For they really fear making them uncomfortable, or saying the wrong thing..and having the adoption be closed. So what everyone says that "their child's birthmother says"..honestly, I take that with grain of salt to a

Kim, Not sure exactly what you mean by "Rumpelstil...

2006-01-15T10:59:12.446-05:00

Kim, Not sure exactly what you mean by "Rumpelstiltskin aparents." I'm a realist. I'm also an adoptive parent who has gone above and beyond our original agreements, so I'm not sure you want to say "there's a bad adoptive parent" to me, but whatever.

Claud, I think that you may wrongly believe that all of your proposed reforms would stop voluntary infant adoption. The reality is that

Hey, I am not claiming to have thought these up by...

2006-01-15T09:20:54.046-05:00

Hey, I am not claiming to have thought these up by myself! And yes, some of the prectices are used sometimes, by some agencies, for some mothers...and then there are all the other ones, and the "other" situations. And that is what I think is the key..not sometimes, standards..all the time.

BN does great work on the open records front and is a great voice for the adoptee, And Alt,A is a

Many agencies already are doing the foster care ty...

2006-01-15T08:48:28.333-05:00

Many agencies already are doing the foster care type situation that you describe. Again, I'd recommend getting over to alt.adoption, because you will be surprised at how none of this is new. The agencies we used to adopt had foster type homes that could take babies during the legal risk period if the adoptive parents were not up for the risk. I also know many adoptive parents whose childrens'

Claud, do you post at alt.adoption and are you fam...

2006-01-15T08:45:27.766-05:00

Claud, do you post at alt.adoption and are you familiar with Bastard Nation? All of your ideas are reform ideas that have been advocated for years now and there really are people out there lobbying for them. I think it might be helpful to you to make contact with these folks. Alt. adoption is a tough place, but a good place to start.

Umm..the bonding issue.That's come up before. Mayb...

2006-01-15T00:21:30.546-05:00

Umm..the bonding issue.
That's come up before. Maybe that is one area where we have to make it informed consent. A mother is given information. She gets told that she has time free and clear to get to know her baby. She cannot sign anything until a week after birth no matter what. It is encouraged because it is shown to be better for her.
Now if baby is with her, then that is pretty much

Oh juicy things to think about!!Now we are talking...

2006-01-15T00:03:24.226-05:00

Oh juicy things to think about!!Now we are talking...
So 1)They need to hear "this is what the aparents are agreeing to NOW, but they may not keep the promise, circumstances may change etc...do you still want to make an adoption plan for your child being cognizant of that fact?" Then put it in the hands of the birthparents. Because bottom line is that once they hand their child over to new

You sound like you shoudl definetly get into polit...

2006-01-15T00:00:00.836-05:00

You sound like you shoudl definetly get into politics - these are really good ideas - i don't agree with every one but i get where you are coming from on all of them. One thing I understand from both sides is the amount of time for termination. I do see where the mother should have time after because she can hold the baby and decide if she can parent. However, we have to also consider what is

God bless you. And I never considered the whole "s...

2006-01-14T23:12:57.193-05:00

God bless you.

And I never considered the whole "six week" thing, since it takes six weeks for many employers to even LET you come back to work, let alone for your doctor to give you the thumbs up. (Longer if it happens to be a c-section.)

I LOVE the nationalization of laws for adoption. !! That was one thing that screwed me over for some issues. Stupid people.

And God

HELL of a post, woman! This, along with AfrIndiem...

2006-01-14T22:38:03.133-05:00

HELL of a post, woman! This, along with AfrIndiemum's post also suggesting specific reforms, holds a lot of promise. What if we were to do a website with articles written by natural mothers, adoptive parents, adoptees, and adoption professionals? And really got the conversation going somewhere other than our little blogging network?