Hitting the Road

Hi... This is a test post.. Checking out the new iPhone app that let's me blog from my phone. How cool is that! Ieven texted .. Or at least I think i did to the teen today! I'm giddy and Rye is jealous. Now I can blog in bed. Mobile Musings - Adoption on the Go!

Adoptee Rights Protest 2010

An offical request from the Adoptee Rights Coalition: Listen up! We need EVERYONE'S help to spread the word about the Adoptee Rights Demonstration, and maybe even help the protest win $200 to go towards expenses for next year's rally! There's a slide show up on Youtube with pictures from the protests in New Orleans and Philadelphia. We need EVERYONE to do these three things at the link above: 1.) Rate the video 2.) Add it to your favorites 3.) Leave a comment Doing these three things all count as 'votes' at Youtube. With enough votes, we'll be pushed to the front of the Nonprofits and Activism page, which will raise awareness about the protest and the our issue. Done? OK next steps!! Head on over to AdoptionVoices.com and repeat the steps above http://adoptionvoices.com/video/from-nola-to-philly-the 1.) Rate the video 2.) Add it to your favorites 3.) Leave a comment These three items all count as votes there as well. AdoptionVoices is having a contest, and the video with the highest rating and most votes will win $200. This would be a HUGE help to the protest, as our permit expenses for Louisville will be much higher than at protest-friendly Philadelphia.Please help! Thank you!

The Adoptee Rights Demonstration 2009

It’s almost been a full 24 hours since I returned from the Adoptee Rights Protest in Philly.

My head is still reeling, my heart is still soaring, and my blood is still racing. Oh, I love a good protest and a good protest it was! I traveled down from my home in NY to Philadelphia on Monday. We had put my little car in the shop earlier last week so I was prepared for the road trip. Less than 200 miles, and I essentially had all day to finish packing and make my way down, so I took my sweet time, avoided the NJ Turnpike and drove through farmland and the Delaware Water Gap. I had old friends that I hadn’t seen in years living outside Philly and the plan was that I would stay with them, enjoy some visit time during my trip and it greatly made my trip possible as I could avoid the hotel costs. In the end, dear Lena and G not only were an added bonus to the protest, but made it so pleasurable and completely stress free. Since Parking was a drag in Philly, G acted as my chauffer and literally picked me and drove me wherever I needed to be. For those who thanked me for being there..OMG thank them for making it possible! Anyway, after my longer than it needed to be but pleasant drive ( I only got lost really once!) I arrived at my temporary abode and unpacked the car. After a brief rest I was taken in to the hotel for the protest sign making party. When I got there, the lobby, bar and breakfast room was filled with people. As I walked in, I laughed and asked people sitting there:

“Are you a bunch of bastards?”

Of course they were! Sign making was going on with a vengeance. Seriously, there was some intense artwork going into making these sings. Due to the fact that rain was being called for and I still am sporting this stupid broken arm, I quickly decided that I was not going to carry a sign. I helped out with a bit of lettering, gave out my glitter glue, but honestly. I was so happy to be among our kind; I just want to soak it in. There is something truly intensely magical about being about to be with people that do not the internal editor system turned on, but to be able to speak freely. Plus, always it is so good to see people from our online world in person. It had been a long time for me. I haven’t traveled anywhere for an adoption event since the Ethics conference in 2007. Yeah! Teresa the Ungrateful Little Bastard, and Joy and Mia, and Dory and Cheerio, and oh, so many more!! Plus Nic came the next day..and to met Diane and more more more! :) So, it rained on the day of the protest, but only when gathering together and then after we were through! The National Council for Adoption might think God is on the side of sealed records, but surely, it is a sign that we were kept dry! So the signs might have looked a bit weepy, but it still worked and yes, many are tired of fighting this fight for years, so the haggard looks were fitting. Still our voices were loud as we marched through the streets of Philly with our police escorts: “You got Yours! We WANT OURS!” Yes, so technically, I have mine being a birthmother, but I am loud and I do like to yell. I was glad that I didn’t have a sign since we had these great one page handouts, so as we marched, I gave them to passersby and anyone who bothered to read the signs. I mean, what is the point of protesting if no one knows what you want? Once we go in front of the Philadelphia Convention Center, marching had to continue, but now I had targets for my handouts. The attendees of the National Legislators Convention were coming in and out of the doors and it quickly became easily to find the actually state reps. The Press and the legislators had green ribbons on their tags, so being on the lookout for green was easy. Once I spotted a green tag coming, another quick peek at the badge told me their state and on approach I would get to them and say:

“Excuse me, do you know that your state discriminates against adult adoptees?”

That stopped a lot of them in their tracks and they wanted to hear what we had to say! Not surprisingly, many were completely unaware that their state was involved or had any idea what the laws were governing adoptee access to original birth certificates. Many seemed to listen. Some really listened. There were many of those encounters all over the protest area.

Marching and protesting went on for me until 3 o’clock when I went inside to work the Adoptee Rights Protest Booth inside the exhibit hall.

Now the hall. That place is insane. One thousand booths full of freebies, swag and information about just about everything and anything you can think of. Some of them, like beer tastings, I fail to see what they had to do with state laws. I mean do you need to DRINK the beer in order to pass a law? Lol. But seriously, there was every group known to God and of course most of them were paid lobbyists with funding, so they had way more things to entice people, but I don’t think anyone worked the areas as much as we did! So we didn’t have tote bags and chocolate, but we have truth and logic on our side! Plus, as great as all of us volunteers are as it, Paula Benoit is just pure gold for this cause. Just standing next to her and hearing the way she works those politicians is like absorbing pure lobby instructions. Inside it was not get in your face protest land, but the sweet professional kiss up and talk all nice to any legislator or staffer or even the spouses of the state reps. And while I KNOW I am always the optimist, but honestly.. there was some damn good feedback and interest! Like some state reps, really wanted to know more, contact were made, business cards and emails exchanged and handouts galore! I think some serious groundwork was had. Hawaii was favorable and believe it or not: Florida. I had quite an interesting discussion with Texas..lol..don’t ask me names because I have all forgotten them now, but don’t tell ME how to protect birthmothers supposedly and false promises of privacy! I love knowing the answers about their own state laws better than they do and to be able to rebut all the supposed stereotypes with pure facts. All total for the three days, I was scheduled for the booth for 6 hours and I tell you.. I adore lobbying. It is empowering. It does make one feel like you are really making a difference. Plus, I got to see not only dear adoption friends and make new ones, and then see other dear non-adoption friends and the city of Philadelphia where I have never been before! On Wednesday, after my time at the convention center, I took myself on a walking tour of the city. Yeah, I went to see the Liberty Bell. And I have to confess, it made me kinda weepy seeing this symbol of freedom, walking on the old cobblestones that Washington, Jefferson and Franklin once passed before and then fighting for civil rights of our adoptees. Powerful stuff. After my last day on Thursday, I went around and gathered my swag and drove myself back to NY for some down time at home. That was all fine EXCEPT hat in New Jersey Route 295 is the STUPIEST ROAD EVER! It ends, and turns to Interstate 95...SOUTH!!! Like what brainiac thought that made sense?

Still reeling. Still hopeful. And now, ready to plan for next year in Kentucky where we can do it all over again! Hopefully before then, we will see some new open access legislation in some states this year, perhaps we will get to see some current adoptee rights bills like NY come on through and get passed. I swear, if we can just get some more key states like NY and Cali, or Texas and Florida.. then the rest will fall. It WILL happen!! Access to the adoptee’s original birth certificate is within our grasp! I can feel it. It’s time to end the secrets. It’s time to end the lies. I took a bunch of the pictures from the protest and made a goofy little compilation for anyone who missed the protest. It’s almost like being there… well not.. but..here it is anyway!

Alos, check out the coverage of the Protest:

In Phila., Adopted People Push to Get Birth Certificates

Adoption-records advocates to protest in Phila.

Adoptees protest for access to original birth certificates

And here's some more pictures too:

And check out THIS video made by a 13 year old protester!!!

>

An Adoption Agency Gives Me Hope

Yeah, you read that right. I actually am having trouble believing it myself, but it's true. On the eve of the final mass preparations for the Adoptee Rights Protest in Philly, I read this comment in my email box from an agency regarding my post about birth mother grief:

This is a stunning, painfully true description of the birthparent experience and we thank you for your candor and courage in reliving it through these words and sharing it... we are so sorry for your lifelong loss. Have you thought of submitting this to "Adoptive Families" magazine for publication? We can't help but think that this country is filled with prospective adopters (and parents who've already adopted) who need to better understand the depths of a birthmother's sorrow; this cannot help but impact them, too and any child/ren they adopt. We'll be making this required reading for all birthparents and adoptive families in our program from now on. Bless you! Here's wishing you healing, reconnection and the peace that passes understanding.

I emphasised the line that really had me shocked. Now imagine my surprise when there was a follow up email from the executive director asking my permission to reprint the post which also included this:

"...to recognize the lifelong toll it takes and the importance of making sure no one's daughter must undergo this heart wrenching sacrifice without being absolutely certain a permanent adoption plan truly is in the very best interests of her child, because God knows it is rarely in the best interests of the birthparent(s). As an agency, we have been trying very hard to educate the expectant moms with whom we work about the irrevocable scars that this decision will inevitably have upon them, no matter how certain they are that they aren't ready to parent or how much they dislike their baby's birthdad or how much they admire their baby's future family. The moms we work with typically are between 20 and 40, and while most are not frightened teens unaware of their options, even those who are well-aware of the toll that childbirth takes on their body are not often acquainted with the impact that relinquishment will have on their hearts."

They had already linked to it on their forum. I am trying to be wise, not so trusting and hopeful as is my nature, but I admit that they kinda got to me. Of course, I say go for it and reprint away no matter what, but I think they are actually sincere about it!

Is it that mythical ethical adoption agency that I have been told about? Are they real?

So I look to their website and egads.. they admit right there that open adoption agreements are not legally binding. Oh it still sounds allot like a typical birth parent page.. but REQUIRED reading? Yeah, I'm impressed. I tell you one thing.. I NEVER would have imagine this day happening 8 years ago.

And yeah, I leave for Philly in two days! STOKED!

Oh and if anyone besides me was getting really annoyed with aborted attempts to open posts here, I fixed it. My blog unfortunately did not like the Adoptee Rights animated gif on the sidebar, so I took it out. See you in Philly!

I Placed My Baby for Adoption: Now PAY Me!

Honestly, really.

I think I should get paid off for relinquishing Max to adoption.

The happy fuzzy feelings from relinquishment and my adoption counseling has worn off. It’s been gone for years now. Instead, I think maybe getting at least some cash for the years of pain and suffering won’t do any good in getting back what I lost, but nothing ever will. At least, I could get some new shoes or a new roof or something, right?

“The attorney for the responsible party will likely send you for an independent medical examination to determine if there is anything emotionally wrong that is still causing you to have pain so long after the relinquishment. You will also need to prove how you have suffered. It is up to you to make your case. How has the pain in your soul affected your life? Can you no longer be happy when you used be happy three times a week? Can you smile when oyu see a child, something you have always done? Does someone bring you flowers on birthdays when you cry? Your attorney will communicate all of this information so that a fair assessment of your pain and suffering may be made. If you can prove your claim, then yes, you will be appropriately compensated for your true pain and suffering.”*

So how much money would it take to compensate a woman to place her child for adoption?

I found this: The jury awarded the estate of Evelyn Forman $120,000 for pain and suffering she endured between the time the missile struck the airplane and the time the airplane crashed’ Not for her death, but for her emotional pain and suffering for the perhaps though at least 104 seconds for time actually suffering before she died. For arguments sake, we will round that up to 2 minutes. We’ll take the 120K and reduce it to 100K for easy math making us a nice round number of 50K per minute of suffering at a legally acceptable rate. I’ll even be so kind as to say: Ok we won’t measure my Kool aid years, but only count the last 8 when I was mentally transforming to the pain filled bitter birthmother that I am infamously known for today. So that’s 8 years with 365 days each times 24 hours in a day times 60 minutes in an hour times the 50K per minute rate for emotional pain and suffering.

Great! I’ll take my 210,240,000,000 dollars for adoption please.

Unrealistic? Ok we’ll chop that in half for the time spent sleeping bad dreams be damned. I’d still end up a billionaire! Completely ludicrous of an idea? Yes, I would agree, but so is this idea of paying women NOT to have abortions, but to place their children for adoption. Luckily, over at feministe, it has already gotten ripped apart and if you are very scared of this idea catching on a good reading of the comments allows some trust in the world to be rebalanced. It also got a good bashing over at Gloria Feldt as well as Possibly the Most Idiotic "Common Ground" Discussion I've Ever Heard. Thank God.. and I don’t think these writers are even involved in the adoption arena, they just see logic and understanding and .. oh what’s that word coercion! Yeah, I will even give in and recognize that the author of the original stupid discussion and bad idea thought it was fraught with some issues. Like how the hell can they afford to give me all my money! *Words changed to reflex life as a birthmother