A Birthmother's Perspective of ABC's Find My Family

I made a point to watch ABC's Find My Family tonight

I normally avoid adoption related shows because I don't do well with them in general. I yell at the TV and get all worked up. I know it makes Rye nervous.

Birthmothers and Adoption TV=Not Fun

As a birthmother, I find it is like walking through a land mine; carefully place the my foot down on the next step, only to find myself blown sky high, or hellish low, when they hit an emotional trigger. Still, when I read up on it in on the ABC website, I didn't get that completely awful feeling. The whole mission of the show besides ratings, is to bring families back together, they claim on the website. I can get behind that..

Watching ABC's Find My Family

Channel 7; 9:30 pm: I pull myself away from the computer and sit down to watch. It has that cheesy reality show feel that Extreme makeover Home Edition does; very dramatic and simplified. Yes, everyone is on their best behavior and say "all the right things"; the view is, at least, shining a sympathetic light on the now married birthmother and birthfather. I am stuck how they are cleanly able to express both the expected "we made the decision to give her more"; but yet they can still express how they felt it was never right, they regretted the decision, and definatly expressed that they never "got over it". Rather, with three other full biological siblings, the picture is an incomplete family that has been painfully searching for the past 9 years. Yeah,. teh show is out to make a buck, but if you were that one searching and ABC swooped in and said they would do it.. I can judge them for taking it. I'd jump through that hoop too.

What Original Birth Certificate?

Anyway, we get the back story and then the plot begins to move. ABC really does gloss over the bit about the adoptee's amended birth certificate which is a shame because it was a wonderful and completely natural opportunity to bring in the issues of sealed birth certificates. They really could have educated a whole lot of people and helped bring about necessary change! I feel really disappointed in ABC for failing to present that information on adoptee rights and just as personally disappointed in the two hosts; Lisa Joyner and Tim Green, since they are reported to be adoptees! If they see the value and necessity in reuniting families separated by adoption and the like, then the only way to make it possible that more folks could truly "find their Families" ( rather than beg ABC for that assistance) would be to help support OCB access legislation!

ABC gets this Birthmother Crying

Ok, so they make it look like they find the adopted daughter in about 3 days, but when they showed the birthparents her picture for the first time. Let's just say that one cannot fake that reaction. That was real. And not only was that real, but I completely recall that very same feeling upon looking at the first picture I had seen of Max since her was about a year old. I can't watch people live through that emotion without my own intense feelings coming forth like a bubbling brook . I sat there and had tears rolling down my face.

Ok, so the whole hiking up under their "Family Tree" is really a bit much, but to see them all together? I bet that hike and all those cameras were worth it. Yes, it was still really really fast and I hope that all the folks on the show had more time to let the experience process a bit. The mother, Sandy, looked like she was just overwhelmed and in shock. I so felt for her. Finding My Family

Reading in between the staged heart pullings and gentle script; there was some honest reality in Find My Family. There is one scene, under the stupid Family Tree, when the biological Dad speaks of seeing all four of his children together for the first time that really got to me because I KNOW exactly what he is talking about: My Most Treasured Photo of Adoption.

Happy Ending Adoption Story

Not having ever lived it, I had a hard time swallowing the whole big happy family reunion in the end, but that's is truly due to it not being something of my reality. Truth be told, if things had gone in that direction with my reunion with Max and his adoptive family had wanted to meet me ever; I would have been gracious and said lovely things. If I knew I had ABC's camera's on me and was representing the hopes and prayers of birth families everywhere shedding the stigma of evil birthparent pasts; I might say real cheesy things that would cause that barf reaction. Bottom line; people love cheese.

Twittering While Watching Find My Family

I like to search on Twitter to see what other people are saying about the TV show I am watching. Especially when I watch something alone, I like the interaction. It's also known as "crowd sourcing"; which is a fancy SMM marketing term meaning "seeing what the hell people think about something". Find My Family has appeal with it's glossy heartwarming packaging; I am very curious as to what folks are saying.

Find My Family Equals Cry Your Face Off

Five minutes into the show, and Twitter was reporting mass tear jerker reaction. It didn't seem to matter if the Tweeter was adoption affected or not, in fact, I am thinking that most of the reactions came from "normal" folks and truthfully, that's even better. These are just a quick sample of the crowd sourced results:

Now it just so happened that the last Tweet I copied over here came from our own Adoptee Comic Linda Gambino, but you will notice she is re-tweeting me.

And that's what I want you to try to take away from this new show. I honestly hope that it does well and stays on the air because if it does, and it portrays adoption searches and reunions in a continual positive light, and it is respectful and loving, albeit in a make me cringe a bit way, then what we have is a mass media vehicle that can have the power to make middle America sympathetic to the idea of adoption reunions.

That in turn means Public Support of Adoption OBC Access.

So, instead of discussing and saying how the show is a cheese filled tissue fest; explain what else should be included in the show. Instead of passing a barf bucket, take the time and write ABC and tell them. You can Email ABC here, but you only get 500 characters, so the snail mail method will hold more punch because we can actually explain how they have dropped the ball.

Contact ABC'S Find My Family

Let's let them know that ABC has an obligation to educated America about the denied rights of adult adoptees in this country and that ALL adoptees a have the rights to know their identity if they so desire., not just the ones with the best filled out applications.

Find My Family 5419 Hollywood Blvd. Suite C-809 Hollywood, CA 90027

And even if ABC refuses to listed and add a bit more truth into the repeatable plot line; there will be people who watch the show and learn to love and accept the idea of adoption reunions.

Hopefully, it won't trigger a new batch of kool-aid drinking birthmothers who think that relinquishment is all glamorous and cool..since they don't show the 16 - 18- 23- 29-35-40 years of hell that is the adoption separation.

If any one finds a better contact for either host or the show, please share.

Thanks!