See..pretty button and everything!
In anycase, being that these are the last days of 2007, and with New Years resolutions and all, I want to give, again, some inspiration...yes, we all want to do more, no, even I feel that I am not doing enough, so we start anew. We say we are going to do more, be more, be better, etc. So try. Start simple..baby steps really...and I promise, it gets easier. Everyday, you do a little more, and it jusy gets easier. Abd again, even if you just want to, need to, be quiet, take it all in, read and lurk..just join. Be counted.
So be loud, be a voice, get counted, join something!
YOU MATTER! We need you.. we need all of us!
Resolutions for 2008
There is this fine line in adoptionland that I really try hard not to trip over. It's something that, I think, frequently confuses dear Rye. He sees me doing all this stuff, this research, this writing, this time..and he wonders..Hey! Aren't you EVER going to make any money off of this? Now, really..we know the answer, is NO. Which is fine. I mean, it would be great if I did..just because making a living off of doing what you have a passion for is cool..but chances are..no.
But, that's not really my point. Just his confusion which is kind of cute. lol.
Sometimes, I feel very self promotional in a not so great way. Like I post all this "I am doing this..I am here..I wrote this..blah blah" And dispite some snarky commentary who would like to infer otherwise, it's not that I think I *am* the be all and end all..ugg..I don't have the time to be a half wit, much less and end all! And while I know what I know, I know I don't know it all..and heck, I only know what I do know from those who came before me and did the same with what they knew. The point is..I don't do this all, or even post what I do so I can get the half dozen or so "You Rock" comments..nice as they are.
And I guess, my intention has backfired in some way because when I post stuff..I mean to do it in an INSPIRATIONAL way. Because, in my head..I am NOBODY SPECIAL.
Like really...just a chick from Long Island who lives in a cute city..yada yada..hubbie and kids etc. I don't have a great education from Harvard or something, I haven't written a book, yet!..and mostly, I am still shocked when something great happens and I am included. The whole point, is that if I can do this stuff, than really, ANYONE CAN!
But, this is where I feel bad..coz just a few weeks ago, in an Origins-USA board meeting, someone said something along the lines of "Well some people don't feel that they can write as well as ....and Claud" And then, I felt bad. Coz, again, my lame attempt at this writing business, still feels like I am mascrading really. And if it intimidates folks? Not good!! People should not be fearful of feeling dumb..I dofeel dumb half the time and it hasn't killed me yet! Or not wanting to Blog if they feel they can't say it like I can- Don't try! Say it like YOU can! I feel boring enough..we don't need more of my lame babble!
Again..I am shooting for INSPIRATIONAL!
Please.. don't look up to me and think dumb shit like:
"I can't write like that"
"No one will listen to me"
"I feel dumb coz I really don't know what I am talking about"
etc.
Or, realistically, go ahead and think that dumb shit.. because I DO TOO!... and then, DO SOMETHING ANYWAY!! Because that's what I do. Really, I am only as smart as my Google search engine allows me to be. And you probably have Google too so we are equal.
Like, guess what? I am very impressed and was always way intimidated with Bastardette. And felt really, really LAME even attempting to Blog like Marley's actual intelligence and knowledge and wit, but, yeah, I did it anyway...and you know what? I still find it CRAZY that she gave ME props! But, meeting Marley.. smart, funny, and remembers names like nobodies business...she's pretty "normal"..like "regular" folk..though I think she might hit me for saying that..hence the quotes! LOL
The point being..I think most of us.. have fears and insecurities and self doubts, but we should not let that fear prevent us from doing things that matter.
Speaking out matters.
Every little bit of helps..not just for you, not just for me, but for countless others that will come after you. For your children and your children's children. You matter.
I don't know what your internal doubting Thomas tells you what you can and cannot do. I don't know what your fears are. But, I can attempt again to be inspirational.
Somethings that you can do...will even keep your internal doubting Tom happy.
Join Origins-USA. Why? Because it's hip happening. No really, OUSA is actually doing stuff. It's an ACTIVIST group. We are ACTIVE! Look at our year end letter. Yeah, it's impressive, but I promise that if you join you will not be made to do the same unless you want too. There is other stuff that you can do too.
JUST JOINING ALONE....helps in big ways. If you never do anything else, lending your name to the growing numbers of people speaking out is huge. There is a huge difference from saying "XYZ groups represents 45 mothers" vs. "ABC represents the voices of 3000 people separated by adoption".
YOU DON'T NEED BIG MONEY...Standard membership cost 20 bucks, but if you can't afford that..no biggie..there is a whole sliding scale thing too. And of course, on the opposite end, you can just give big money if that's what you have and that's what you do. You don't have to join to give money.
But, I have to say.. that really..I do not think that there is any excuse to NOT be officially counted in some way. If you can't speak out, at least be part of the body count...with some membership be it OUSA, or CUB, or AAC, or BN ..find somethong that best suits you..but get counted...because you matter..you really do...we all do.
And that even gets us back to the "how" we communicate. Like as I say I am just as easily intimidated. I get floored with things that other people write too. I read what I think is brilliant by others and I feel just as unimportant, just as lame, for not saying it in the same way, not thinking it before, not saying it in that way, etc. And, again, I can't let that matter really...it matters, it affects us all, but one voice is not all of us..and you never know who you might connect with, you never know who might resonate with YOUR particular way of saying something, with your feelings. You just don't always know who you might touch.
Anyway, back to OUSA..I know some people have been burnt in ways before by this and other organizations. And it's hard sometimes to assilimilate to an organization where you might not think that you fit in, or that you subscribe to all thier doctrine, but it's not like that, it's really not.
For one, I have to say that THIS Origins-USA is not the one that you had previous dealings with if you did. It's a kinder, not exclusive OUSA...as in we will exclude and mock you and rip you open for not being a clone of sorts. And without going into detailed descriptions of adoption dirt, just take my word, if you know what I am speaking of...it's different now, and if you don;t now, then don't worry abput it. Just know that it's worth it to be part of something...you can still be your own person,and that can be an adopted person, or a mom or a dad or a sibling, or even an adoptive parent who also believes in family preservation or even jusy someone who cares!.. but it feels really good to believe that you stand for something.
And then there are really EASY ways of making that stand. You can help by just Shopping! Isn't that just too easy? Just by doing your normal everyday stuff, you can help! Through iGive, every time you shop on the Internet at any one of over 660 different retail establishments, just click on the iGive button before you finish your shopping, and choose Origins-USA as your tax deductible charity of choice, and a percentage of your purchase price will automatically be set aside for Origins-USA.
See..pretty button and everything!
In anycase, being that these are the last days of 2007, and with New Years resolutions and all, I want to give, again, some inspiration...yes, we all want to do more, no, even I feel that I am not doing enough, so we start anew. We say we are going to do more, be more, be better, etc. So try. Start simple..baby steps really...and I promise, it gets easier. Everyday, you do a little more, and it jusy gets easier. Abd again, even if you just want to, need to, be quiet, take it all in, read and lurk..just join. Be counted.
So be loud, be a voice, get counted, join something!
YOU MATTER! We need you.. we need all of us!
See..pretty button and everything!
In anycase, being that these are the last days of 2007, and with New Years resolutions and all, I want to give, again, some inspiration...yes, we all want to do more, no, even I feel that I am not doing enough, so we start anew. We say we are going to do more, be more, be better, etc. So try. Start simple..baby steps really...and I promise, it gets easier. Everyday, you do a little more, and it jusy gets easier. Abd again, even if you just want to, need to, be quiet, take it all in, read and lurk..just join. Be counted.
So be loud, be a voice, get counted, join something!
YOU MATTER! We need you.. we need all of us!
Just the Max Facts!
I love the Holiday Season!
OK, if Rye saw that I just typed this out he would be mocking me because going in to Christmas, I am a wreck. But now that it is over....whew.. gald it's over! But what I do adore, is that it makes a certain son of mine crawl out of the woodwork!
Yeah..got a call from the Max!
Which was really funny as I had just finished replying to Caitlyn who was notifing me that she had texted him to check his Email since I sent the article link..once again, I thought, gee.. fast work! But, no, he was just calling on his own, sans girlfriend prodding!
Anyhoo.. lovely conversation. Talked about what the crazy siblings are up to, the glory of my busted arm, the benefits of community colleges vs. annoying dorm life. I was glad to hear that his semester off worked out good for him and he is going back to school.. whew! And somehow, knowing that what annoys him about college... the intensity of party on college life...is what drove him away. not the love of education, is a good thing. I can so totally relate, and I did.. heck, that was one of my reasons for not wanting to be in NYC ..too much pressure to be doing-doing-doing all the time.
We talked about Garin's band achievements and shows.. Max's band too...Scarlett told him about her loose teeth...Tristan acted very excited to say Hi as well.. and then, the good bnews was given: The boy has achieved wheels again.. and is promising to give us all a visit!! In fact, we tentativly talked him getting down here for Garin's next show on Jan. 6th!
<-----smiling!
AND.. very cool.. and worth a later discussion.. we are toying with writing a "he said, she said" article together. How cool is that? He writes, I write...and it would be excellent. And what is nice too...he brought it up....That he would be interested in sharing his perspective as an adoptee.
I am just so happy to hear from him...and then I can just pinch myself! It's like..yeah, sniff sniff..I still get called Mom..yeah..sniff sniff..he wants to visit again big time..yeah..sniff sniff ..he ended with him asking me to tell everyone that he loves them and will see them soon.
Somehow, that's all I needed for Christmas, though I am doublely pleased as sneaky Rye got me my four peas in a pod necklace! I adore it! :)
And then an added Xmas bonus.. My interview with Northeastern Public Radio is being aired tonight as part of a news segment...So, I think you can hear the stream of it here. At least for now, with the part two getting aired tomorrow..which you can get to here. I haven't heard it yet..
I think I kind of sound wacky. It was much more of a conversational, gabby interview.. and it was like an hour of Claud babble..cut and turned into a five minute news piece..so..o don't know. But the facts are decent until the dork at the end who seems to be totally in the dark about things.
Adoption Terminology PC Time Warp
I received this question in my comments in this last post regarding my Adoption Today Article:
For one, been there, done that, said my piece, heard the rest, huge time suck, ready to move on. Does that mean I give zero weight to the importance of adoption language? No way! Yes, language means a lot, yes, it does set the tone, yes it does filter in how people see us, by what they call us, BUT..
The best example of why we should not get too wrapped up in terminology policing... is this: Look at African Americans.
Yes, they were and still are called some lousy names, but more than that were the discriminatory practices that were accepted by society against them. Now what if they had spent all their fire and passion on just the terminology debates, what if they just focused on what they were called? We would not have " colored" drinking fountains, or "colored" areas in movie theaters.. they might be all PC and called "AA fountains" or "AA seating areas".. and would THAT really have made a difference? Hell no!
The purpose of this article was to have a readership see me as a person.. as a real human being who fits all their preconceived stereotypes as "the perfect birth mother".. and to get beyond what they think they know about how I think and feel.. and give them a real idea of what it felt like.
Top their defense, Adoption Today did not regulate me in any way whatsoever.. in fact..they gave me huge free range to write.They called and asked if I could write about my years in a closed adoption.. and that's what came forth from me..including the use of the word birthmother. I find it used a total of four times in my article.. though it might be five. I had a five count before, but now lost one. I have not bothered to count the number of times I used alternative terminology.. such as Mother, surrendering mother, women who relinquish., etc.
It is used once in the title of a study, so I won't claim nor explain that. I use it once, towards the end, in quotes, as defining the stereotype of the "perfect birth mother".
And likewise, I use it in the fourth paragraph in a very controlled way.. "I choose to become the birth mother". Because I DID! I wanted that made as clear as I could. I did take on this title, but the whole purpose of this too was to describe that choosing to do this does in no way really prepare one for the affects of what happens after all is signed off.
It is an act of becoming.. we are not born.. we are MADE into this breeding machine by an industry that needs our produce... and how they mislead us, even a "good" reputable agency, even in a " perfect" situation.
I was molded. I was guided. My fears were enabled. I was exploited. And then, yes, my first sentence I call myself the "preferred typical birth mother". Because I am. I was. I was young, white, smart, exploitable, without resources, clean.. etc. Good stock! Good genes.
Plus also, the readership of Adoption Today is perspective and international adoptive parents. Guess what they have been trained to call me, to think of me? A birthmother!
And really, I wanted it very clear.. this is an article not just ABOUT us moms, the mothers of their kids, like many of the other articles in there, but BY a mother. MY words. And, I have yet to fall at the floor foaming at the mouth when people say the B word to me. I can deal.. and I can use their terms, as respect for them, but I do expect it both ways.. and it is usually pretty clear when you talk to me, that I don't rely on that word.. I can use it, but then I offer up tons of other words that I prefer.. and through osmosis, rather than an instructional berating, the point becomes very clear, and people will parrot my usage. It's pretty cool.
So yes, I will use the word when *I* need to. When I mock it, or need to clearly make it known with no confusion. Is it disappointing? I guess that is in the eye of the beholder. If you want to count B terms and judge an article on that merit, that is your prerogative, but I would rather applaud that a pretty heavy article from one of us, in our own words, about the reality of relinquishment, got into a real publication, that will hopefully reach many others who need to know this stuff.
And just so you know.. yeah, I know all about the origin of the damn Birthmother term and its history.
Now, honestly, I don't think too too much about the great adoption terminology debates anymore."congrats on getting published, but i must ask: did the magazine insist, that you denigrate yourself by calling yourself an incubator for this article? somehow i thought that you, Claud, considered yourself to be Max's mother, not just a walking uterus (i.e. "birth mother") who produced him for his "true parents" :( it is just very disappointing to see a "sister" use this term for herself, one whom i thought understood how derogatory it was. it puts down all of us."
For one, been there, done that, said my piece, heard the rest, huge time suck, ready to move on. Does that mean I give zero weight to the importance of adoption language? No way! Yes, language means a lot, yes, it does set the tone, yes it does filter in how people see us, by what they call us, BUT..
The Political Correctness of "African Americans"
The best example of why we should not get too wrapped up in terminology policing... is this: Look at African Americans.
Yes, they were and still are called some lousy names, but more than that were the discriminatory practices that were accepted by society against them. Now what if they had spent all their fire and passion on just the terminology debates, what if they just focused on what they were called? We would not have " colored" drinking fountains, or "colored" areas in movie theaters.. they might be all PC and called "AA fountains" or "AA seating areas".. and would THAT really have made a difference? Hell no!
The purpose of this article was to have a readership see me as a person.. as a real human being who fits all their preconceived stereotypes as "the perfect birth mother".. and to get beyond what they think they know about how I think and feel.. and give them a real idea of what it felt like.
Adoption Today's Article; Not About the Birthmother Term
Top their defense, Adoption Today did not regulate me in any way whatsoever.. in fact..they gave me huge free range to write.They called and asked if I could write about my years in a closed adoption.. and that's what came forth from me..including the use of the word birthmother. I find it used a total of four times in my article.. though it might be five. I had a five count before, but now lost one. I have not bothered to count the number of times I used alternative terminology.. such as Mother, surrendering mother, women who relinquish., etc.
Yes, I Became a BirthMother
It is an act of becoming.. we are not born.. we are MADE into this breeding machine by an industry that needs our produce... and how they mislead us, even a "good" reputable agency, even in a " perfect" situation.
I was molded. I was guided. My fears were enabled. I was exploited. And then, yes, my first sentence I call myself the "preferred typical birth mother". Because I am. I was. I was young, white, smart, exploitable, without resources, clean.. etc. Good stock! Good genes.
Plus also, the readership of Adoption Today is perspective and international adoptive parents. Guess what they have been trained to call me, to think of me? A birthmother!
And really, I wanted it very clear.. this is an article not just ABOUT us moms, the mothers of their kids, like many of the other articles in there, but BY a mother. MY words. And, I have yet to fall at the floor foaming at the mouth when people say the B word to me. I can deal.. and I can use their terms, as respect for them, but I do expect it both ways.. and it is usually pretty clear when you talk to me, that I don't rely on that word.. I can use it, but then I offer up tons of other words that I prefer.. and through osmosis, rather than an instructional berating, the point becomes very clear, and people will parrot my usage. It's pretty cool.
Using the Term Birthmother
So yes, I will use the word when *I* need to. When I mock it, or need to clearly make it known with no confusion. Is it disappointing? I guess that is in the eye of the beholder. If you want to count B terms and judge an article on that merit, that is your prerogative, but I would rather applaud that a pretty heavy article from one of us, in our own words, about the reality of relinquishment, got into a real publication, that will hopefully reach many others who need to know this stuff.
And just so you know.. yeah, I know all about the origin of the damn Birthmother term and its history.
Giving Holiday Sphears
It's kind of funny, considering that it is me, but I have been volunteering all over the place for Tristan's and Scarlett's school. The last week has been all about the PTA Holiday Gift Shoppe...
Yup, running the holiday gift shoppe.
Yup, the PTA.
But, it's been fun and I can do it one handed. And it's good for all these kids, it's good for the school, and people really are digging our "Re-use, re-cycle, Green Giving Tree Shoppe". It's like working a huge tag sale for kids..so I am in my element.
Laugh if you need to.
It's not the point anyway.
Yesterday, hanging out with the other PTA mom holiday shoppe helpers, we got the news that Jamie Lynn Spears is pregnant at 16. We all know this by now. The media went crazy! One of the moms got a call from her husband with the story and it was spread like wild fire. In fact I ended up hearing it all day.. at home from Rye, later at the Dartball Xmass party.
It was definatly news... her getting kicked off her Zoey 101 show, being the trainwreck called Britney's sister, Britt being knocked up again after losing custody of her two boys, and the crowing association.. Brit and Jamie's proud momma is writing a book on parenting. Go ahead, have that chuckle.
You know you want to. I want to say mean things about them. I want to make crude cracks about trailer parks and white trash.
And you know, I have to admit that I stuggled with my reaction. It would have been really easy to give in to judgement and freign a disgusted horror upon hearing of her upcoming motherhood... that was my first instintual reaction. The meaness, the disgust, to look down on her, on them both, that they are not worthy of this life they lead.
And then I felt real disgusted horror that I could think that way. Because it is so very judgemental. And while yes, Brittney herself I do observe with pity and sadness, yet that bizzarr trainwreck feeling.. you don't really want to watch, yet you cannot turn away. Obviously there is something very wrong with that poor woman. She must be hurting so much to be acting out in such a way though even that deep sufferning cannot justify or rationalize her behaviors as acceptable.
But is that Jamie Lynn's guilt too?
Yeah, it kind of messes with her role model via Disney or Nicolodeon status, but she'd be growing out of that soon enough anyway. And while she is 16, age is not an absolute determining factor regarding the quailty of motherhood. I have to belive that all the time.. with Hollywood kid celerbities and mothers targeted by adoption agencies... all inclusive. I can't just belive it true when it fits my agenda. I dispise hypocritical actions, so since I have said it before, I must apply it now.
Interestingly enough, according to this pole most people claim not to be very shocked by this pregnancy news of JLs.
If I am going to fight the industry that exploits these very attitudes that rise up instintually, then I have to first win that war within myself. And so yes, after I sheepishly cracked that one mean joke about trailer trash, I open my yawn and publically stood up in support of Jamie Lynn Spears upcoming teen motherhood....at a fundraiser for my kids school PTA..thank goodness it's not a snobby pretentious bunch! Coz I got to practice what I preach...walk the walk as well as talk the talk.. or I call Bullshit on myself!
And we should be questioning the way we think about theses young women, these two sisters, these icons of our daughters. Beyond that perverse weird satisfaction that tempts us to delve into the supermarket tabloid, or TalkSoup, we need not worry too much about whether we accually approve or disappriove of what this familiy does, after all, the lowly opninion of you or me shall not alter thier reality or even cause the likes of them a momemnt wasted in passing thought. In otherwords, it matters not to Brit or JL really, I believe. They don't give a damn, caught up in their own affairs. But in the big picture, what we think of themreflects on what we think about all wqomen like them, but perhaps without their infamy or stardom?
Are we more horrified now that according to a MySpace report Jamie Lynn might be a single mom now as well as 16? What can we use to damn her? I mean what did she do to get herself such scorn?
She must have had sex. Man, imagine that! The nerve! The slut! No one else ever dared to have sex at 16!
OK, stop laughing.
Seriously, I think we kind of need to face the pure facts that.. ready.. human beings have sex around 15/16/17 years of age. I think they even like it. I think they even really, really want to engage in sexual intercourse. Maybe they even feel, in a very self abbsorbed way, that they need to get them some of that booty sex action. Like it's instinctual. .. human nature.
So that evil slut Jamie, she gave in to human nature.
Like.. the great majority of other human beings!! Holy horndogs batman! Most of us, rationalize our own bad behavors and poor chpices as we might, we still do the same things and give into the lusty temptations of the flesh.
Can we damn the Sourthern tease for not controlling her fertility better? Proof that she went a whoring by begetting herself with chil'? Dirty cow!
OK, but if we really are gonna blame folks for too much fertility then, in all fairness, we should personally blame the infertile for the too little fertility! Bit that's really, just too mean, and would go over like a lead balloon and people would think I'm all hating on infertile folks. Yuck.
But we assume that Jamie Lynn Spears is knocked up because she is stupid. That she didn't know better, that for all their money and stardom and opportunity, that she's blowing it and ruining her life. Even her father is quoted in saying it. And dern Britnet isn't giving too much creedence that these Spears girls are just great mommas either. Jamie's got herself a tough raod ahead...sigh.
But does she? And who are we to shake our heads and lose our fate in her perky cutness? She's only worthy is she acts the blond ditzy virgin and dare she venture off our sterotypical raod map, then she is no longer a positive role model to our children? I spoke to other mothers yesterday who worried how they were to explain to their 9 and 11 year olds why Zoey 101 was no longer with Jamie. Now, pregnant, she must be cast away to the shadows of shame.
If we cannot even attempt to embrace this one girl, this one budding women, this one momma to be.. if she cannot still be a role model to our daughters.. for choosing life, for choosing parenting, for being fertile, for being sexual, for being human.. then who can?
Shje thought about it.. she msade choices.. and she's dealing with life.. openly, proudly, with some fortitude and.. grace.. even.
I have watched Zoey 101 with Scarlett. I wasn't ever too much impressed before, but I'll root for Miss Jamie now.. and I'll explain the real truth to Scarlett too. At least Jamie.. she became a bit real.
More to come.. on Britney musings.
HardCopy
Right before I turned thirty, a job that I worked on in my rather small interior design firm had a job printed in Interiors and Sources. It was pretty cool, I have say, seeing my name in a real magazine. It helped with the trauma of turning thirty.. ugg..
But I had a new house, a decent "career" job, and I was expecting a sparkley engagement ring for the occasion..so thirty was ok.
On my next birthday, I turn 40.
That's ten years heavier than thirty. More weight of life, gravity laying time to skin elasticity, yet so much more blessed, and my purpose feels surier.
It's still pretty cool seeing my name in a real magazine. Perhaps a sense of accomplishment shall permeate in through the turning of fourty. Might make this less trumatic.
I think it's a decent article. I welcomed the opportunity to contribute and I hope perhaps it will garner new understanding by some outside our internet existance here.
This is the direct link to Adoption Today. This one takes you to the current issue on line. It seems to take a bit to load up.
And this should go right to the actual article.
I yelled to Garin at the end of his band practice today that he was in a real national magazine. He got all excited for a hot minute since he thought that it was for his band. Once he saw that it was for my stuff, his interested faded to utter disgust.
So it's unimpressive to teenage males, but for me...yeah, it's pretty cool.
Nominate THIS!
< The 2008 Blogger's Choice Awards are accepting nominations as you read!
There just might be some names listed under " best blog of all times" or " best education blog" or "Best blog about stuff" and I might have even thrown a few oput there as " hottest mom blogger"....oh we just might see..Pargraphein there? Or perhaps "Writing my Wrongs" or maybe some Jennalicious "muchkinland"
Would I do that? Would I dare to say "hey! Our Adoption Blogsphere kicks ass!"
You bet I would!
And I did.. so once I find the little votey links.. I'll add those too, but seriously..I think we can get some awards here.. and I think we desearve it!
Nominate THIS!
Oh, and while we are at it.. I beg you to write to these people... heres an email addy: info@bloggerschoiceawards.com .. and tell them that they should have a
'best adoption blog" catagory!!!
Mystery Solved!
I got an Email message from a very lovely lady....I'll call her LL..who is a prespective adoptive parent who..is DEMANDING ETHICS in adoption. She sees the issues before going in...her pre-adoptive resaech is INCLUDING ETHICAL CONCERNS! Which is amazing to me really...that enough evidence is out there that people even know to think of this.. and yes, they get it! Really, Emails like this.. they make my day!
So yes, she had linked here from these previously unknown private-like adoption boards..and if Mr. Handy Site Meter tells tales..then that story is that many other people are following LL's lead.
I had thought form their similar places in the "adoption journey" that they were one and the same, but...LL says this blog is not her! But so worth a read!
Go check out this Blog. It sure isn't killing me.. if anything, it makes me cry and get weepy like. It's post like this, knowing people like this live and breath that give me reassurance that this is all worthwhile.. it's not a waste of time.. all this writing.. all this time spent.
So all rather validating.
And then...lol..I get a call from an adoption agency...like three minutes ago.. hands still shaking with...disgust.
See, I had request one of their " birthparent booklets" and did so in Scarlett's name, as I usually do. And it came..priority mail, chocked full of "info" and six full color, black spiral bound "profiles" of amazing people. It's really gross, and it sits here next to me, I have been occupied with other stuff.
And they called..for Scarlett the poor girl facing a crisis pregnacy..just to "check up".
I actually didn't say much..but Caroline was a bit taken aback. She did say it was "ok" for me to request the packet...lol..gee thanks.
The BEST awareness colors list EVA!!!
It's really too huge to post here! But it is worth checking out. I thought I was a big deal because I knew that rainbow jigsaws were for Autism Awareness. oh well..
Who knew such things:
Red is Pro-life,
Orange is for Feral cats and self injury,
Yellow is suicide prevention and adoptive parents,
Green is a pretty busy color! Tissue and organ donation or transplants, depression (both adults and children), bipolar disorder, mental health or illness, bone marrow transplants and donation,missing children,growth and rebuilding & Stem Cell Research.
Navy Blue is for police officers lost in the line of duty (AKA, the Thin Blue Line),but not anywhere else!
Purple...they do not have our Strange and Mournful day ribbons, but I find the most intriquing in a dark sort of way "children left unattended in cars".. that's a dark sad ribbon...
White is marker for right to life, adoption, post partum depression.
Black was selected by Anti-terrorism in Spain. Just Spain.
ok blah blah gray brown.. then we have:
Lime Green -Support for Adoptees Rights to open adoption records that have been sealed.
Pretty cool!
And then.. who knew!
Pink = Breast Cancer, Birth Parents, cleft palate, nursing mothers ??? Since when? Who said?
It's crazy!
So you have to go see the whole list youself!
Though I am curious as to what Parental Alienation Syndrome is??...
Oh.. very interesting.. sounds almost like a sever form of adoptee loyalty!! Wow.. I love learning a new thing every day!
The Open Records Conclave in NYC
It was still very dark when I had to wake up. Let me say how much I hate that.. and you adoptees better be freaking grateful of all my sleep sacrificed for you! Ha, all kidding aside, I had to walk down my steps backwards as we got hit with the ice storm here, and then I had to walk in the dark to the bus station, not far at all, down the middle of the street so I wouldn't fall and break my other arm! All that, rush rush, and I get to Trailways in time to see the 6:15 bus pull out, and then to be told they just decided not to have a 6:30 bus. So starting my day.. cold, icy, dark, and now no way not to be late as the next bus, the 7:00 am, gets me into Port Authority at 9:05.
Which was really..9:35 as Jersey was full of annoying traffic. Grrr. So then, because it was late and I was close and I could not find a taxi that looked available, I hoofed it from 42nd and 8th to 51st and 7th. Not a biggie, and I do love NY. But yeah, I was late. I hate that. I got into the very swanky conference room and then had to pull a chair out from another...get settled in.. catch up.
There was.. about 2 dozen folks there.. mostly familiar faces from other adoption conferences. ACC was in the house, BN, CUB, OUSA, EBD, ETC.. It was a who's who in open records.. and really..I still feel pretty honored to be in such company. I think besides the Donaldson interns and maybe Hollee McGinnis, I was the youngest one there. And I was thinking on my way home, from never being at a conference at all in January 2006, to being invited to this meeting..that's a long way.. in a short portion of time.
What was also pretty amazing.. and again.. I feel almost embarrassed and honored, was that almost everyone knew of my recent NCFA article, had read it, and was pleased with it. That felt really good.
OK, enough feely stuff...
**************
ALLOT GOT ACCOMPLISHED!
I think that this was really the first time that the us open records movement came together in a real way? Like all the different fractions.. and agreed to somehow be one voice.. with one message.. and a job to get done.
There is a list coming via email.. to be finalized by email.. of the finial outline draft. At that point, I had stopped taking notes.. as I was told I would be getting it.. and I already had 8 pages of scribble! I shall follow up with that when it happens.
The big items:
There will be one main message: paraphrasing as this is where i quit note taking..EVERY US CITIZEN IS ENTITLED TO THEIR ORIGINAL BIRTH CERTIFICATE. That's it. All arguments against go back to that one point.. it is a human right issue.. not about mothers, not about reunions, not about adoptive parents, not about agencies.. just about the discrimination and restoring adoptees to the level of every other person in the us to have access to their birth certificate.
Now, I personally, as a mother, would LOVE IT, if moms got access too.. but, I know politically, that it opens another whole can of worms for the opposition to get into... and therefore it will not happen yet. This is the first step.. and getting access for adult adoptees will be getting a huge door open and really help change, not only individual lives, but the way the general public sees this issue. So I am willing to be patient. I know not all moms agree with me there, but that's my opinion.
It was also clarified that we ae discussing access only to the OBC. Not ALL adoption records.. so you won't be getting access to every bit that XYZ agency has on you.. court documents would make the Bar Association and Judges freak out, Medical records get into HIPPA Issues..it's just the OBC. Otherwise, again, it won't work. Think Big Baby Steps.. no pun intended!
Also discussed was various talking points/ responses to "the opposition".. so when they say blah blah, we say blah blah.. also in the outline to be provided. And ways to get those organizations that have opposed these laws.. Planned Parenthood, Pro-Lifers, Catholic Churches, ACLU, etc.. to support them. How to combat the NCFA ..ha.. expose them as special interest group..lol.., how to reassure adoptive parents, even though most support their kids getting the OBC, the BS of the implied promises to mothers, etc. Media interest, what worked in the states that are open, what did not... Oh so much stuff.. I really do have 8 pages of notes!
Maine's Senator Paula Benoit was there. OMG! This lady, and I do mean lady.. in the pure sense of well groomed, well spoken, gracious...she is a powerhouse. What she is willing to do for this cause, not just as an adoptee, but as a political figure, is impressive. Honestly, I got the sense that if anyone person ends up in making this happen, it will be her. She wants to work with other state sponsors where records got passed, and then pull that group to influence new bill sponsors and really, as Marley says "twist some balls". Senator Benoit might never use that phrase, but I can tell, she does it very well.. and I say that in the most admirable way.
Also discussed was a revisit to "sandwich" states, such as Ohio, where blackouts and other weird prospective things are in effect. So using that they have had various degrees of access for some time, see what the results were,, and if nothing "dastardly" happened as a result of their partial access, then to ask for increased access for the blackout groups.
We ran over the various states that have stuff going on now. Again, IMO, we need Texas, New York, and California to turn next.. then other smaller, less populous sates will more follow suite.
Unfortunately, I believe, only NY has positive movement, but it was recognized that effort needs to go into NY to make it happen. So far, Joyce Bahr, has worked tirelessly on this since I met up with her and NY's Unsealed Initiative back in early 2006. I know others have worked on it too, but for me, I see her as a backbone in NY. I cannot wait to lobby again and it was great to see her again too. It would be great if NY had more support.. and I think this conclave will assist in getting that to happen.
Cali is supposedly starting up again next year as is Texas?? I know Amy has mnore info on Txs than I do. From what I recall, Gladney had a hand in getting the TxCare stuff destroyed this year. God, they suck! The joke is that in the year 2087 Texas will be the last State in the Union to finally open records.
The Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute will, is already, working on what was referred to as a "repository" of Open Records information. What it will be is one main website where ALL US records info will be.. so all the various state groups will have links there, all the bigger groups too, access to information, help, etc. Yes, I found myself saying "ohhh.. I want to help!" kick kick self!
I also did that volunteer thing regarding graphics of some sort, a ribbon of sorts.. though I do love that kind of work. Mary Anne Cohen very graciously complemented me on my previous graphics design stuff. When did I become a joiner of all things? Such a sucker, I am! Yeah, so give me ideas for a real national access to OBC concept..please!
Oh, and Darryl McDaniels , adoptee of Run DMC, has agreed to be the public spokesperson and do PSAs for this cause! Wooha!
Do we want a list of who was there? I got most of the names..Adam Pertman, Hollee McGinnis, Fred Greeman, Eileen McQuade, Paul Schibbelhute, Bobbi Beavers, Mary Anne Cohen, Marley Greiner, Joyce Bahr, Jeff Donadson (on phone), Carol Schaefer, Martha Frailey, Pam Hasegawa, Betsie Norris ( on phone, Elizabeth Samuels, Senator Paul Beniot, Caprise East, Ronnie Diamond.. and then, I have missed about half the others! But that's the buses fault that I was late for introductions!and then stopped my notes!
And that's the fist dishing of this meeting! I got a 6:00 pm bus home after hanging about BSing with Basterdette and MAC for a bit.. we all walked over to
Port Authority together. And I got off the bus, a bit icky in my belly.. i think i was getting "bus sick".. and was in my door at 8:30, just in time to kiss my own babies good night.
More to come, I promise.. and if you have a specific question..let it rip! I'll do my best to let you know what I know.
Tonight! on the Adoption Show!
THE ADOPTION SHOW
Voices Ending the Myth
Sunday December 9, 2007
9:00 PM EST
OUSA STUDY
MOTHERS' VOICES:
SURRENDER EXPERIENCES AND LONG-TERM EFFECTS
BERNADETTE WRIGHT
Bernadette Wright is a mother who lost her only child, a son who she named Sebastian, to a grey market baby broker in 1990, when she was 19. She has not seen or known anything about her son since he was taken from the hospital at two days old. Bernadette is passionate about working to prevent other families from being unnecessarily separated. She is the President of Origins-USA , a national organization devoted to promoting family preservation and advocating for people separated by adoption.
Bernadette holds a PhD. in Public Policy and works professionally at a consulting firm, providing research on how to improve the system for people with disabilities who need supportive services. She lives in Fairfax, Virginia with her partner Don and her cat Veronica.
Meeting for Open Records
Tomorrow, I shall get up at the crack of dawn. I have my choice of buses to get on.. 6, 6:15 or 6:30, the latter being the last one I can get on and be in NYC on time. By 9:00 am, I shall be sitting in a meeting with other like minded ones...discussing the EBD Open Records paper that garnished so much media attention and trying to come up with the next step, that as a nation, we can make to get adoptees access to their OBCs.
Kudos to Adam Pertman and the Evan B Donaldson Adoption Institute for putting this on. We have 8 states down and another 42 to go. Sadly, some, like NJ, have been fighting this battle for years! THIRTY! So very sad of us, as a nation, to see this as a good and acceptable thing.
In any case, I am looking forward to going tomorrow. I have the few bits of acceptable winter clothing in the wash right now. I am very limited as to what fits over this dern arm and mutant cast! But, I feel I can pull it off.. long as I bring a small bag that allows use of my good arm! And despite the very early wake up call, I know I can nap on the bus and such. And breakfast awaits me at the meeting! Just give me coffee as I walk through the door!
I anyone has a statement or point you would like me to address or make, now is the time! For me, though it has been said as impossible, I am going to say my usual "Let's go National!" After all, that's what I do!
That Y chromosome
sniff...
My second baby, Garin, .. who is 16 and taller than me.. lives for his band.
They actually do NOT suck which is amazing. I can totally recall beING a girlfriend of a band member many times in my younger years and hating "band practice' as they DID suck. Sitting through hours of torture, just waiting for the end, it sucked being a groupie.
These kids do not torture the girls thankfully, though they do rock my house at least 3 days a week. We helped them set up an area of the basement and they practice down there. It is VERY loud. The drum kit is right under our computer desk..you can't hear squat! But it is not that bad, as they are pretty good! Which is why we let them play the wedding.Seee...
Anyhoo, they have a booking company and they have a show tonight. Pretty impressive for a bunch of 14, 15, and 16 year olds! They were suppose to play "the Loft" but there was some mix up , so they are playing The Chance!!
Like, really, that's a big deal!! Real bands play the Chance! I have seen the Cowboy Junkies there! And the Ramones have been on that stage.. and many many other real bands!
And my baby is playing there!!
He don't care too much for school though he does ok. I wonder about his drive for college, but he really is pretty dern good.. and he has been very adult like organizing all these shows, selling tickets, etc.. impressive. So I guess it won't be the worst if he ends up trying to be a rock star...
Dead Legg'd is the band.. tonight is the show.. this momma, broke arm and all, is planning on rocking out!
Not that I don't know what they sound like.. as they are making my chair vibrate right now, but still.. it's very awesome. Plus it is snowing here and we can't let them drive in the snow for 45 minutes with friends.. so we have to play roadie!
Thank goodness I did cut my hair! Now just got to find some decent clothes that don't make me look too mommaish.. and to remember NOT to wear my kick ass cowboy boots.. since they suck in the snow!
I really do feel very proud. And this child has never had one stupid lesson.. he is self taught on the bass, the guitar and now he drums. I swear it is so weird, the boys get the music gene, and the girls, sorry Scarlett, do not.
My second baby, Garin, .. who is 16 and taller than me.. lives for his band.
They actually do NOT suck which is amazing. I can totally recall beING a girlfriend of a band member many times in my younger years and hating "band practice' as they DID suck. Sitting through hours of torture, just waiting for the end, it sucked being a groupie.
These kids do not torture the girls thankfully, though they do rock my house at least 3 days a week. We helped them set up an area of the basement and they practice down there. It is VERY loud. The drum kit is right under our computer desk..you can't hear squat! But it is not that bad, as they are pretty good! Which is why we let them play the wedding.Seee...
Anyhoo, they have a booking company and they have a show tonight. Pretty impressive for a bunch of 14, 15, and 16 year olds! They were suppose to play "the Loft" but there was some mix up , so they are playing The Chance!!
Like, really, that's a big deal!! Real bands play the Chance! I have seen the Cowboy Junkies there! And the Ramones have been on that stage.. and many many other real bands!
And my baby is playing there!!
He don't care too much for school though he does ok. I wonder about his drive for college, but he really is pretty dern good.. and he has been very adult like organizing all these shows, selling tickets, etc.. impressive. So I guess it won't be the worst if he ends up trying to be a rock star...
Dead Legg'd is the band.. tonight is the show.. this momma, broke arm and all, is planning on rocking out!
Not that I don't know what they sound like.. as they are making my chair vibrate right now, but still.. it's very awesome. Plus it is snowing here and we can't let them drive in the snow for 45 minutes with friends.. so we have to play roadie!
Thank goodness I did cut my hair! Now just got to find some decent clothes that don't make me look too mommaish.. and to remember NOT to wear my kick ass cowboy boots.. since they suck in the snow!
I really do feel very proud. And this child has never had one stupid lesson.. he is self taught on the bass, the guitar and now he drums. I swear it is so weird, the boys get the music gene, and the girls, sorry Scarlett, do not.
What do you think?
Of all the new pretties?? After much bellyaching, I think that I can stay here at Blogger. With the added courage from the support of Suz, and Margie, and Dawn, I gt the courage to hit that "customize" button that has mocked me for so long. That's a damn fine button, I tell you! Makes a world of difference, and alot of work!
I am still tweeking obviously..which, by the way, if you have any huge issues..tell me. Like I made this pretty wide...which I think makes reading easier...but if it's all crazy looking, tell me..mmmmkay?
And I am still mastering the whole Blogroll thing..thank you Margie !...so yes, links are missing. That aspect of the upgrade takes a long time. It's very tedius, which is a good thing...because there are SOOO MANY ADOPTION BLOGS!!
And.maybe someone knows this..I want a way to add another "page" here? Like I would like to have the whole "My reuinion story" laid out in order..I know I can do it as a links list, but....I want pages!!
**********
On a side note,I was watching Brad Pitt last night being interviewed by Larry King live in New Orleans. Only for a minute really, since it got really painful. I mean, Brad is real purty like, and I think he means well, but he doesn't seem to do so great when someone has not written his lines for him. Or he was stoned..lol.
Anyhoo, aside from him hanging out with Angelina and thier nasty adoption habits, what he was talking about was this whole project that he has underway in New Orleans. It's really very Cristos like.. this whole "pink houses"..I mean I like the idea. I love that he is doing something and using 5 million of his own money to do that something...
He wants people to ADOPT these houses. And I get the ideal..and again, it's great. I don;t mean to be picking on him or his project for his terminology, it's just that:
1) He annunciated the word "adopt" differently. I swear..go Goggle it yourself!
2) Because I am who I am, I do bristle often at the use of the word adoption, adopt, etc. So, yeah, I am listening to what can be a weird overuse and attention grabbing way of using this word.
but then....
It got me thinking this am. We just love to keep using this word Adoption. It's like we forgot our thesourus. Adop this, adopt that. We don't sponsor anymore, not when you can ADOPT!
Adopt a house.. that's a good thing for Brad and this project. Help rebuild!
Adopt a highway.. to clean it, make it look nice.
Adopt a mutt.. to love and cherish and pick up poop.
Adopt a family.. help them with what they do not have.
Adopt a technology...new tools, new ways of working.
Adopt a pound puppy, a cabbage patch kid, and like 5 other toys this Xmas.
It's like EvERy way that we use this word too... it has the underlying connotation of "improvement". It's always a positive thing.
Improve the houses, rebuild.
Improve the highway by cleaning and planting flowers.
Inprove the puppy's life with a home and care.
Improve the families life by assisting them in getting what they cannot.
Improve your job, your business, a system, your blogger habits by new tools.
Improve your kids life by getting this great realistic toys.
You see where I am going with this?
Adopt a child. Improve that child.
Now I know, really I do, that the ideal is to improve the life of the child. Give them more, provide for them what cannot be provided without the adoption...speaking idealistially of course!
But it does seem to then automatically assume then that the life pre adoption needed improvement. Which we know is not the true case for every case...where IS that "burning building" post!!
And then I think to words adoptees say...do not so many of them feel the pressure to be "better, improved"? You know whar I mean? Not being an adoptee, I'm not going to attempt to discuss their feelings, but how the words is used, I think, does play into how people end up feeling.
At least I see an interesting play on it all here.
********
Since I am just all over the place with this post...
Rye and I are about to undertake a big scarey thing..which hopefully will be a good thing!
We are going to take over a cute neighborhood deli!
I have been working on a business plan for the last week. And crunches numbers..which look really good! We are looking for investors and backers, etc, but with a realitivly small chunk of change we buy the business. If anyone has cash sitting around and wants to check out this great investment opportunity, just give me an email and you can check out the plan.( Rye has presuured me to say that...snarf)
But, really..while this is scarey, I am kind of excited. This is a picture of the actual building with our desired improvements..new singage, flowers, etc! isn't it just sooo cute?
The name and sign are just for pretty making, etc. And I think we want a cute bench outside, or a little cafe table if we can. So soon, I might be sittig in my deli, blogging.
Now if only my arm would get better.
And I really need a hair cut! Before Monday when I go to NY!
I am still tweeking obviously..which, by the way, if you have any huge issues..tell me. Like I made this pretty wide...which I think makes reading easier...but if it's all crazy looking, tell me..mmmmkay?
And I am still mastering the whole Blogroll thing..thank you Margie !...so yes, links are missing. That aspect of the upgrade takes a long time. It's very tedius, which is a good thing...because there are SOOO MANY ADOPTION BLOGS!!
And.maybe someone knows this..I want a way to add another "page" here? Like I would like to have the whole "My reuinion story" laid out in order..I know I can do it as a links list, but....I want pages!!
**********
On a side note,I was watching Brad Pitt last night being interviewed by Larry King live in New Orleans. Only for a minute really, since it got really painful. I mean, Brad is real purty like, and I think he means well, but he doesn't seem to do so great when someone has not written his lines for him. Or he was stoned..lol.
Anyhoo, aside from him hanging out with Angelina and thier nasty adoption habits, what he was talking about was this whole project that he has underway in New Orleans. It's really very Cristos like.. this whole "pink houses"..I mean I like the idea. I love that he is doing something and using 5 million of his own money to do that something...
He wants people to ADOPT these houses. And I get the ideal..and again, it's great. I don;t mean to be picking on him or his project for his terminology, it's just that:
1) He annunciated the word "adopt" differently. I swear..go Goggle it yourself!
On his ‘Make It Right’ project: (a housing redevelopment in the lower 9th Ward of New Orleans, Louisiana, USA):
BRAD PITT: OK. This is what we are calling the adopt-a-house campaign. It is part art installation, it is part act of social disobedience, but it is really meant to work as a fundraising component. And we were looking for something that was loud and would get a lot of attention, that was also hopeful. So what you see here is, as you see these blocks scattered across this section of the Lower Ninth, to represent the houses that were destroyed, the homes that were destroyed. And what we are hoping to do is, as a house gets adopted, this is going to be up for five, six weeks, five-and-a-half weeks, as a home gets adopted, we will right that house and we will put it back on its foundation. So hopefully this will be an art installation that will be constantly evolving. And by the end of this -- by the end of this five-and-a-half weeks, we hope to have a symbolic neighbourhood put back together. And that is the goal
2) Because I am who I am, I do bristle often at the use of the word adoption, adopt, etc. So, yeah, I am listening to what can be a weird overuse and attention grabbing way of using this word.
but then....
It got me thinking this am. We just love to keep using this word Adoption. It's like we forgot our thesourus. Adop this, adopt that. We don't sponsor anymore, not when you can ADOPT!
Adopt a house.. that's a good thing for Brad and this project. Help rebuild!
Adopt a highway.. to clean it, make it look nice.
Adopt a mutt.. to love and cherish and pick up poop.
Adopt a family.. help them with what they do not have.
Adopt a technology...new tools, new ways of working.
Adopt a pound puppy, a cabbage patch kid, and like 5 other toys this Xmas.
It's like EvERy way that we use this word too... it has the underlying connotation of "improvement". It's always a positive thing.
Improve the houses, rebuild.
Improve the highway by cleaning and planting flowers.
Inprove the puppy's life with a home and care.
Improve the families life by assisting them in getting what they cannot.
Improve your job, your business, a system, your blogger habits by new tools.
Improve your kids life by getting this great realistic toys.
You see where I am going with this?
Adopt a child. Improve that child.
Now I know, really I do, that the ideal is to improve the life of the child. Give them more, provide for them what cannot be provided without the adoption...speaking idealistially of course!
But it does seem to then automatically assume then that the life pre adoption needed improvement. Which we know is not the true case for every case...where IS that "burning building" post!!
And then I think to words adoptees say...do not so many of them feel the pressure to be "better, improved"? You know whar I mean? Not being an adoptee, I'm not going to attempt to discuss their feelings, but how the words is used, I think, does play into how people end up feeling.
At least I see an interesting play on it all here.
********
Since I am just all over the place with this post...
Rye and I are about to undertake a big scarey thing..which hopefully will be a good thing!
We are going to take over a cute neighborhood deli!
I have been working on a business plan for the last week. And crunches numbers..which look really good! We are looking for investors and backers, etc, but with a realitivly small chunk of change we buy the business. If anyone has cash sitting around and wants to check out this great investment opportunity, just give me an email and you can check out the plan.( Rye has presuured me to say that...snarf)
But, really..while this is scarey, I am kind of excited. This is a picture of the actual building with our desired improvements..new singage, flowers, etc! isn't it just sooo cute?
The name and sign are just for pretty making, etc. And I think we want a cute bench outside, or a little cafe table if we can. So soon, I might be sittig in my deli, blogging.
Now if only my arm would get better.
And I really need a hair cut! Before Monday when I go to NY!
Message from Ethica regarding the Hague Convention on Intercountry Adoption
Dear Ethica Supporter:
Ethica has submitted comments on the U.S. Citizen and Immigration
Services (USCIS) new administrative procedures for the ratification of
the Hague Convention on Intercountry Adoption. The USCIS comment
period ends this Monday. We encourage adoption community members to
contribute their thoughts on these procedures which can greatly
influence the way adoptions are
conducted.
Ethica's comments can be downloaded here:
http://www.ethicanet.org/DHS_RegComments.pdf
Your own comments can be submitted through the regulations website:
http://www.regulations.gov/fdmspublic/component/main
Step 1 � select "Documents with an Open Comment Period"
Step 2 � select "U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services" from the drop down list
Step 3 � select "All Document Types" from the drop down list
Step 4 � select "Docket ID" from the drop down list, enter USCIS-2007-0008
Step 5 - select the yellow bubble under "comment" in order to contribute your views
Please notify us at info@ethicanet.org once you have submitted your comments.
Thank you for your support and for keeping adoption as a just and
ethical option for children and families.
Linh Song, MSW
Executive Director
Ethica, Inc
**********
I heard a horrible number the other day that really hit home. In Guatamala, 1 out of every 100 children are exported to the US. I know we like to use more gentle terms such as "sending country" or "recieving countries", but really.. to me, a spade is a spade.. and countries are importing and exporting children..like olive oil. One out of every 100...we can make it look small like "only 1%" but in respect to a whole countries future, their children, being sent away to be nationals of another country..it's almost a genocide.
Now I have always made it clear that International Adoptions are no so much my niche, but through adoption osmosis, I know much more than I ever thought I would have cared to know about various international adoption situations. And while, yes, I get it that it is horrible for kids to live in poverty so drastic that we cannot imagine, I still maintain that it sucks to take the child out of poverty because that baby has value (30K) to someone in this country, but mom and the rest of the family has no value, so we leave them in the inhuman poverty. Great, now you are still poor and missing your kid!
Of course it is horribly unethical to pay women for their children. No matter how much the current lack of ethics sucks, if we end up living in a world were we openly pay women for thier children, then...then.. then...oh hell..I don't have a good altermatium.
Coz it totally happens already! In very poor developing countries ( "sending" countries..aka the exporters og babies/ goods) this alone
could coerce women to relinquish their children...and it does! There is just too muh money changing hands for the corruption to not take place. If out of the average 30K in US funds that go to "gottogetaGuat", 2 to 10 thousand of that makes it into the actual Guat community by way of "finders" aka recruiters and the like.. right down to the mothers or the families of the mothers who are paid for their genetic contributions. This also happens in Bulgaria.... it happens in Cambodia....and and it is still going on in Vietnam.
Side note: on RegDay, there was an older CC momma with her two Cambodian girls. While she seemed a bit put off with our overall message, she was able to have a civil conversation with me. The one thing that almost felt comical to me? She made a point of telling me "how unfair" she thought it was that they had closed down Cambodia based on the "actions of one women". She was talking about Seattle International Adoptions, run by Lauryn Galindo - who was found guilty two years later of visa fraud and money laundering related to Cambodian adoptions. The sad part is, of course, that the "actions" were not of just one woman, but had far reaching tenticals, yet, it was only for these bogus charges has any degree of justice been had. And that's because there is virtually no laws on the books to control all the lovely loopholes in adoption...but it's not fair..whine whine.
I guess it all depends on how we look at "fair". Personally, I hate it when my kids start complaining that "It's not fair!". Granted they usually say that in complaint to something I did or did not do to their liking. And even that is kind of hard because I do want them to desire fairness and justice, yet I get to play ultimate momma dictatorship. Yes, even sometimes I can play the hypocrite.
Is it fair that children are born into gross poverty?
Is it fair that anyone has to live that way?
Is it fair that people lose thier childrem because they were born into poverty?
Is it fair that people with means take thier children?
Is it fair that we "save" the children and not them?
Is it fair that anyone makes money off this?
Is it fair that the people who "just want to save a child' have to fork out oodles of bucks?
Is it fair to stop all situations because of " a few bad apples"?
Is it fair to ignore the few bad situations because "most" adoption situations are positive?
Is it fair to assume they are "positive" because the people who say that have the money and power?
Is it fair that we do not hear the voices of the families left behind..or the children who have yet to grow up?
Is it fair then that the children who have grown up and ARE speaking get called names?
or my personal peeve....
Is it fair that it's ok to remove a child "from the only home they have ever known" as long as that "home" is an impovished nation's hogar, or orphanage and the child is going to a "better" home in the US? Even if that child is 18 months old..or 3 or 5? Why yes..it is always such cause for celebration!
So is it fair that it is considered a terrible tragedy if a child, say at age two, might get returned to their natural family for the very same reason: It's NOT ok to remove a child "from the only home they have ever known" if that home was an adoptive families home and the child is, yikes, going back to those pesky bio folks! Then, we are disrupting the poor kid...giving them atachment issues, etc.
How come we can't apply the same 'attachment' bonding stuff to a child returning to a natural family as we do to one leaving an orphanage? Is it fair that this only works one way?
Will it be fair when the people who hold Eveyln Bennett hostage from her family use that ploy???
Is it fair too that Angelina says she won't bring Zahara back to Africa to visit her very ALIVE mother??
Really, is adoption fair at all??
With the Holiday Season upon us, our thoughts turn to family festivities and togetherness. We, at Origins-USA, are reminded of our mission to promote natural family preservation and advocate for family members separated by adoption and thank you for your membership support to help us meet that gaol.
This Holiday Season highlights a significant milestone for Origins-USA. It is our first year as an incorporated not-for-profit organization. With your tax-deductible donation, Origins-USA can continue to promote our vision for every mother to receive the support she needs to raise her own children and as a last resort, place her children in kinship care or permanent legal guardianship, protecting their right to know their origins.
As a grassroots organization, Origins-USA relies on people around the country to contribute time, energy, and money to work for natural family preservation and justice for people separated by adoption. Make a difference, help promote the goals to provide support for families separated by adoption; to provide public awareness of injustice; and to promote legislative, social, and administrative reforms for families in crisis and for those already separated by adoption.
Support something that you believe in and become a member of Origins-USA or make a donation at www.origins-usa.org. The time is now and the tide is turning. More and more information about the rights and issues of parents and children separated by adoption are in the news, on television documentaries, and other media forms. Let's make sure the right message, the truth, is promoted. Support Origins-USA and we'll support you. You can make a difference, and make a donation this Holiday Season to support family togetherness and Origins-USA and by asking friends and family to do the same.
Making a donation is easy!
Happy Holidays!
Jeanne Gartland, Fundraising Chair
Origins-USA
Fun on CafeMom.
So Cookie dragged my butt to CafeMom.. It actually is a brilliant idea as 1) the damn place is advertised EVERYWHERE 2) it gets lots of really "clueless" folks. I mean , really, can we say open season for trolling! 3) I love working with Cookie.. we made a great tag team. Anyhoo.. she made a group and then there are a few other groups that I joined. As much as I really hate message boards these days.. such an emotional time suck..it does me good to keep on my toes, and I do like an "undiscovered" country.
So there was this thread here:where a mom, pg with twins is freaking out:
I am new to this group and I am really not sure what I am going to do. I just started school and my husband left me. I am due in March with twin boys. The place where I live does not allow kids because it is a Board and care home. I really do not have the money to take care of these tow the way they deserve. I just do not know what to do.And I did what I do:
As a single mother in school you will be eligible for much more assistance than if your husband had not left you. It might take some digging to find it, but it will be worth it. And moving, while it might be a huge pain, will be drastically less painful in the long run than a lifetime of separation from your boys. What your children deserve is to be with thier family. You, as their mother, will be way more important to them than a fancy nursery or other material things.Plus, being that you are in school..you obviously have goals and dreams.. so you make those things happen. It's not like you will be in the same place forever. It might take longer with kids in tow, but they won't notice while you do it. I have yet to see a four year old that really complains that they don't have baby gap, or a second hand car seat, or even about day care... Even giving them a life with one parent who is theirs... who understands their souls, how they think because you share the same cellular structure.. is better than two parents who are strangers. It's insane to think that children have to lose thier mothers to supply them with a more socially acceptable falsehood of twp parents. You husband might of left you, but that does not negate his responsibility to his children... child support.. get it... fight for it.. its your right and theirs! Go read what adoptees have to say.. do you want to take a chance that yoyur kids might even feel an iota of that pain? And read the blogs of of mothers who have lived through this... do you want that for your life? You will be a mother whether you parent or not. In either case you will have to harness the strongerst bit of yoyur being to gert through it. Adoption is not a one time event, but a life altering event. that racks your very soul forever. There is no getting over it. Choose to keep the joys and pain of motherhood for yourselfand then I embedded the OUSA Video. Which already helped another pregnant woman there to run away from the idea of adoption. Well ...as I repeat to myself over and over again that I like to do this stuff...I find in my PM mailbox this AM my handslapping from a woman who wants those twins! And it went like this:
MiCKIE72 wrote on December 1 2007 10:13 PM -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I read your post for "wind23" about her considering placing her twin boys for adoption and I want you to know I think you way over-stepped your boundaries.( like I care?) It is ok ( umm thanks for your approval!)to tell her your story and how you feel about your choices but you basically all out told her she would subject her kids to all kinds of things if she placed them for adoption and that she was making a huge mistake. (yeah, that would be the truth) That is not neccessarily true...a lot of adoptions work out well for everyone involved.( I call bullshit!) I have been talking to her and we would like to adopt her twins...with an open adoption and allow her to be a part of their lives(as much or as little as SHE chooses).( aha! here comes the trut.. i was stepping on her toes..messing up her plans!!) Did you ever consider the people out there (like us) that have battled infertility and adoption is the ONLY way we can ever be parents.(as if i really care??) My husband and I have tried to have a baby for 11 years.We have each had surgeries,had fertility testing, and multiple fertility treatments and we still have no baby. So with our latest testing we were faced with me having yet another surgery($6,000 out of pocket) and then In vitro ($12,500 out of pocket) for a total of $18,500 (out of pocket) for a 50/50 chance we will have a baby. Faced with that we decided to pursue adoption and adopt a child that already exists and needs a home and family....rather than spend so much money to MAYBE have our own. So you should think about people like us when you decide to try to convince other moms not to place their babies for adoption. (no I should NOT!!)Just because you have regret does not mean everyone will. ( RIGHT THAT 2% IS HOT DIGGITY FINE!)It takes a lot more love to place a child for adoption than it does to keep them when you know that is not what is best for them. Some mothers choose adoption rather than abortion(killing an innocent child that could be a dream come true to a family like mine) think about that.Would you rather see them(birthmothers) abort their children? (YEAH YEAH.. nothing to do with abortion at all..)I pray for you and your bitter heart. You really have a "chip on your shoulder".( yeup that's me bitter chippy and i amn a crack whore too) This young woman (wind23) has a right to make her own decision....without anyone criticizing her like you did. If she chooses on her own to keep her babies then that is great but it should be HER decision,not yours!!ROTFLMAO!!! I mean really....so I sent her this bit:
Good morning to you. I really do not care that you think that I am overstepping my boundries. I personally feel that people who are so desperae for a baby that they troll on message boards and try to exploit women in vunerable circumstances to be predatory and unethical. Pre birth contact is considered coersive. Of course, you would like to adopt her twins. And while I am sure that it sucks for you to be infertile, my sympathy really ends there. Sometimes in life you do not get what you want. I do not have to think of people like you.. my job is to think about moms who CAN be good mothers, who need help facing a crisis prenancy and perhaps just someone to tell them the truth. She can only make an informed decision based on knowing all the facts. You are not going to tell her those facts and either would 99% of the adoption professionals that she might fall in with while "exploring her options" How about the fact that the secondary infertility rates for mothers who relinquish are over double that of the normal population? How about the fact that adoptees are over reresented on both the mental health field, prison, and in suicide stats? See here: http://origins-usa.org/Default.aspx?pageId=24592 How about the risks of PTSD, depression, adictions, risk behaviors, abusive relationships, affects in parent subsequent children, and troubles in virtually all aspects of thier lives after relinquishment? Can you point her out to dozens of scientific studies that tell her of these? Don't belive me? Go here: http://origins-usa.org/Default.aspx?pageId=24594 ...I can. If she KNOWS the risks, just like if she was having a medical procedure and needed to decide if the risks outweighed the precieved benefits, then she is making an INFORMED TRUE CHOICE. What are you so afraid of? That she would go read what dozens of other mothers who surrended have to say? That our message that you never get over losing your child might take away your chances? That she might actually read about the pain that faces many adoptees on blogs and realize that she would rather raise her kids herself even with a few years of hard times.. that it would be worth it for her and them? Yes, it should be HER decision, but based on real information not based on what you want. You want a child.. great. I do not condemn you for wanting a child, but I can crritique how you are going about getting one. Actually I wouldn't have bothered but since you started it! :) There actually ARE thousands of children in foster care that really NEED families. These boys, right now, have a mother and father...it is NOT determined yet that they NEED to find another family. She shows no signs of beating them, or abusing them..nope, all she is is scared, confused and oerwhelmed with what life has given her right now. I bet she'll still love tham and want them with every ounce of her being. Adoption should be about finding families for children tha NEED families, not finding babies for people, infertile or not, that WANT them. It's not about whay YOU want. It's about what these children need. And child welfare professionals say that adoption should be the last resort..that children are better off served in their natural families. The United Nations says it UNICEF says it, child welfare leaugue says it, the evan b donaldson adoption institute says it. And this has NOTHING TO DO WITH ABORTION. She does not even mention abortion..plus it is not any woman's job to carry a pregnancy to term because you cannot. You are not entitled to have a child no matter how much you want one. Adapt to reality. Your reality is that you cannot bear a child. Her reality is that she will be the mother to twins. You can continue to be motivated by your own desires and live in denial, but if you really continue to presue adoption, then it would behoove any child you parent to educate yourself much more on the subject. You are believing the propaganda and hype that has been sold to you by an industry that wants your money. It IS an over 3 billion dollare a year industry. Women do not get over losing thier children to adoption. The desire you have for any child is just as real for a mother who desires HER VERY OWN flesh and blood. Read the blogs yourself. You can call it critizem, I call it education. You just stared this "process", I have lived it for over 20 years and the last 7 have been doing research, talking to hundreds of adoptees , adoptive parents and mothers. I do not make this stuff up. you can dismiss me as bittter, but that's just your fear talking. You don't want me to be right, so you need a way to make me wrong. But that too cannot happen just because you desire it so. Now you can go off saying how mean and awful I am. I really do not care. I have nothing against you..this isn't about you. It's about a woman who needs some support, some real facts, and some understanding. I don't think that she needs someone to take her kids from her. You want them. But it's not about you..it's not about me..its about her. And I don't have her telling me to back off. Just you..and that's not going to happen. Sorry. Sincerely, Claudia Corrigan D'Arcy... and i am not afraid of signing my name.I have to say that I expect all hell to break loose.
That's my Ego your Stepping on..
Really, I am an idiot.
Ok background on my being an idiot.
I have been feeling bored of my blog.. this blog mainly. I look at other bogs and they are prettier. I like tags ( though i have that option here and am too lame to do so). I am captivated with how the whole RSS reader blog roll thing works, plus I like the idea of it telling me who wrote something new so I don't have to go all over blogland looking. Who thinks of these things? It's brilliant really..if I can fiqure out how to make it work.. so far, I really have not. But I want to. I hear that once you get this all to work the right way... if you see a new blog and you dig it, then all you have to do is hit your feed button or something and it knows to go to your blog roll... that's cool.
I so have no clue how to make to happen, but I want to.
I also have no clue how to master these things called CSS.. cascading style sheets. I know that understanding them is key to customizing blogs, but and I even know where to find the hot tips and info how to make it work, but it's like physics for me, or calculus. I can read the words and try to follow it, but the words all just swirl together in my brain. They refuse to line up straight and make sense. But I try to read stuff like that periodocially. I hate code and HTML. I just don't get it, and I hate that! Coz i want to do the things that i could do if i understood code. And I understand the premise of it, but i cannot remember it. I can't memorize code.
But I know if I could I could make the coolest blog..it would be so pretty. I'm in the mood for change, I want some color. I think I want to move to Wordpress..they have Widgets over there. Not that I know what a Widget is, but I know they are cool, so I want them. Plus my picture here is so outdated. I'm not nearly a bleach blond. That picture is over 10 years old. I look like my mother.
It feel boring here. So I have started making the new home.. at wordpress.. and I want to have neat graphics.. I'm having fun. And in that, I have been doing my links..
Oh my.. there are just so so many! Some I have links to already, but have never seriously read. Others I have heard of, but never found. Really, just so many blogs..just getting all is staggering..no wonder why I had to give up.
So, I am trying to get control of all this technogargon.
In the meantime.. it make me feel very out of the loop. Coz, and I know this sounds all....stupid and annoyingly egotistical...but i look at a new blogroll of someone..and i actually feel upset if I am not listed. I want to kick myself for even feeling it. But I do..so I might as well admit it, and be aware.
Completely off subject, yet still neurotic:
it drives me crazy when people spell my name : ClaudE
ugg!!!! No E, no E, no E!!!
C L A U D
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOEEEEEEEEEEE
thank you
I use to tell people all the time as it does tend to get under my skin, but so many people screw that up, I'd have to be like uber bitch about it every day. So I don't think I have made an issue out of it for like a year now. I just ignore the male distinguishing "E" at the end of my name. It isn't really worth it..and I do think people feel bad when they realize it. I doubt anyone does it just to irk me..it's just one of those things to me.
Like nails on a chalkboard. eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Yeah so...I feel grouchy. My arm still sucks. Almost 2 whole months of broke arm...woopeee.
poopie.
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