Resolutions for 2008

There is this fine line in adoptionland that I really try hard not to trip over. It's something that, I think, frequently confuses dear Rye. He sees me doing all this stuff, this research, this writing, this time..and he wonders..Hey! Aren't you EVER going to make any money off of this? Now, really..we know the answer, is NO. Which is fine. I mean, it would be great if I did..just because making a living off of doing what you have a passion for is cool..but chances are..no. But, that's not really my point. Just his confusion which is kind of cute. lol. Sometimes, I feel very self promotional in a not so great way. Like I post all this "I am doing this..I am here..I wrote this..blah blah" And dispite some snarky commentary who would like to infer otherwise, it's not that I think I *am* the be all and end all..ugg..I don't have the time to be a half wit, much less and end all! And while I know what I know, I know I don't know it all..and heck, I only know what I do know from those who came before me and did the same with what they knew. The point is..I don't do this all, or even post what I do so I can get the half dozen or so "You Rock" comments..nice as they are. And I guess, my intention has backfired in some way because when I post stuff..I mean to do it in an INSPIRATIONAL way. Because, in my head..I am NOBODY SPECIAL. Like really...just a chick from Long Island who lives in a cute city..yada yada..hubbie and kids etc. I don't have a great education from Harvard or something, I haven't written a book, yet!..and mostly, I am still shocked when something great happens and I am included. The whole point, is that if I can do this stuff, than really, ANYONE CAN! But, this is where I feel bad..coz just a few weeks ago, in an Origins-USA board meeting, someone said something along the lines of "Well some people don't feel that they can write as well as ....and Claud" And then, I felt bad. Coz, again, my lame attempt at this writing business, still feels like I am mascrading really. And if it intimidates folks? Not good!! People should not be fearful of feeling dumb..I dofeel dumb half the time and it hasn't killed me yet! Or not wanting to Blog if they feel they can't say it like I can- Don't try! Say it like YOU can! I feel boring enough..we don't need more of my lame babble! Again..I am shooting for INSPIRATIONAL! Please.. don't look up to me and think dumb shit like: "I can't write like that" "No one will listen to me" "I feel dumb coz I really don't know what I am talking about" etc. Or, realistically, go ahead and think that dumb shit.. because I DO TOO!... and then, DO SOMETHING ANYWAY!! Because that's what I do. Really, I am only as smart as my Google search engine allows me to be. And you probably have Google too so we are equal. Like, guess what? I am very impressed and was always way intimidated with Bastardette. And felt really, really LAME even attempting to Blog like Marley's actual intelligence and knowledge and wit, but, yeah, I did it anyway...and you know what? I still find it CRAZY that she gave ME props! But, meeting Marley.. smart, funny, and remembers names like nobodies business...she's pretty "normal"..like "regular" folk..though I think she might hit me for saying that..hence the quotes! LOL The point being..I think most of us.. have fears and insecurities and self doubts, but we should not let that fear prevent us from doing things that matter. Speaking out matters. Every little bit of helps..not just for you, not just for me, but for countless others that will come after you. For your children and your children's children. You matter. I don't know what your internal doubting Thomas tells you what you can and cannot do. I don't know what your fears are. But, I can attempt again to be inspirational. Somethings that you can do...will even keep your internal doubting Tom happy. Join Origins-USA. Why? Because it's hip happening. No really, OUSA is actually doing stuff. It's an ACTIVIST group. We are ACTIVE! Look at our year end letter. Yeah, it's impressive, but I promise that if you join you will not be made to do the same unless you want too. There is other stuff that you can do too. JUST JOINING ALONE....helps in big ways. If you never do anything else, lending your name to the growing numbers of people speaking out is huge. There is a huge difference from saying "XYZ groups represents 45 mothers" vs. "ABC represents the voices of 3000 people separated by adoption". YOU DON'T NEED BIG MONEY...Standard membership cost 20 bucks, but if you can't afford that..no biggie..there is a whole sliding scale thing too. And of course, on the opposite end, you can just give big money if that's what you have and that's what you do. You don't have to join to give money. But, I have to say.. that really..I do not think that there is any excuse to NOT be officially counted in some way. If you can't speak out, at least be part of the body count...with some membership be it OUSA, or CUB, or AAC, or BN ..find somethong that best suits you..but get counted...because you matter..you really do...we all do. And that even gets us back to the "how" we communicate. Like as I say I am just as easily intimidated. I get floored with things that other people write too. I read what I think is brilliant by others and I feel just as unimportant, just as lame, for not saying it in the same way, not thinking it before, not saying it in that way, etc. And, again, I can't let that matter really...it matters, it affects us all, but one voice is not all of us..and you never know who you might connect with, you never know who might resonate with YOUR particular way of saying something, with your feelings. You just don't always know who you might touch. Anyway, back to OUSA..I know some people have been burnt in ways before by this and other organizations. And it's hard sometimes to assilimilate to an organization where you might not think that you fit in, or that you subscribe to all thier doctrine, but it's not like that, it's really not. For one, I have to say that THIS Origins-USA is not the one that you had previous dealings with if you did. It's a kinder, not exclusive OUSA...as in we will exclude and mock you and rip you open for not being a clone of sorts. And without going into detailed descriptions of adoption dirt, just take my word, if you know what I am speaking of...it's different now, and if you don;t now, then don't worry abput it. Just know that it's worth it to be part of something...you can still be your own person,and that can be an adopted person, or a mom or a dad or a sibling, or even an adoptive parent who also believes in family preservation or even jusy someone who cares!.. but it feels really good to believe that you stand for something. And then there are really EASY ways of making that stand. You can help by just Shopping! Isn't that just too easy? Just by doing your normal everyday stuff, you can help! Through iGive, every time you shop on the Internet at any one of over 660 different retail establishments, just click on the iGive button before you finish your shopping, and choose Origins-USA as your tax deductible charity of choice, and a percentage of your purchase price will automatically be set aside for Origins-USA. See..pretty button and everything! In anycase, being that these are the last days of 2007, and with New Years resolutions and all, I want to give, again, some inspiration...yes, we all want to do more, no, even I feel that I am not doing enough, so we start anew. We say we are going to do more, be more, be better, etc. So try. Start simple..baby steps really...and I promise, it gets easier. Everyday, you do a little more, and it jusy gets easier. Abd again, even if you just want to, need to, be quiet, take it all in, read and lurk..just join. Be counted. So be loud, be a voice, get counted, join something! YOU MATTER! We need you.. we need all of us!