Table 18...adoptive parents only please.

So I am at work last night..and our hostess had a great book called "The Choices We Made". It's the stories of famous people who had abortions, faced an unplanned pregnancy, etc. We were taking turns reading about Whoopie Goldberg. So this of course, lead to us discussing adoption, and Raisa and I are in the middle of a discussion on how these people who claim "just give the baby up for adoption" haven't got a clue as adoption is so screwed up. I have to say, it is amzing how much more validated I feel sometimes in real life now that I speak my views. I find that the majority of people DO listen and many get it. It's just logical really..and they get upset to hear about the stuff that is still going on. They just don't know that it does. I do live that I can and do talk abiut it at work..that there is this small pocket of people who know the truth and get it. That respect my work..that support it...even of somepeople only think I am cooler now becausue of Montel..lol. So as we are talking, loudly, a couple walks in..and I quickly see that the child in the very Causcsion parents arms is from China. And of course, they sit in my section. I do find myself, looking at parents and kids now...wondeing who is adoptied and who is not. I check out people's noses to see if the kids favor a parent.If a mom is older, I am more suspect..and granted I do not let this effect me ...much..I might listen more carefully at their conversations, but I do that with everyone. It's nice to be a fly in the wall sometimes. I can fill water glasses v e r y slowly so I can hear things..and I am not above sticking in my two cents..tip be damned. Anyway so Emma and her parents have a nice dinner. She is a very cute littel thing, prolly a bit younger than my Scarlett, dressed as a winter princess..whether this is indicative of the "dressed up doll" or, as I know..little girls love to look pretty..I don't know. It was kind of unnerving as I thought the child looked familer..and the name too...of course Emma is HOW popular now...but I know the day will come when someone in my real life "knows" me from online.. I mean, I do talk about the name of my resturant often..so would it be beyond someone who might be in my area to want to come and check me out in the flesh? Or am I just really eotistical?? lol. Needless to say, there was NO discussion of adoption, which was fine. Served hem food, fine etc...Emma liked her fish and chips...Ok buy bye!! So then, the next couple that sits at 18 are regulars..who I happen to like alot. They come in often and are really sweet..always happy, easy..and just nice. So they comment on my hair cut and I mention that is my TV hair. Ohhhh...why? Montel. Why are you on Montel..and I explain. Ohhhhhh...are you an adoptive parent...no the other side. You were adopted..no, ah, the forgotten ones... Oh..they get it....and yeah, they are adoptive parents..both their kids who I have also waited on before. Ah, now the door is open and we DO speak about adoption off and on all night. It's hard, becasue I really DO like them..and I do know that they DO mean well..but how to not totally overwhelm them with this side of me. And they sound like they had a good somewhat ethical adoptions to begin with,,their kids are teens. Closed now, but they have contact info.."for when the kids are ready"...met with the parents at the time..moms were young..so not awful...just adoption awful, but pretty typical..and I did beleive them when they said that they think about the kids parents all the time. I think he got it a bit better than she did...just gut. She was very "don't you feel like it was a good thing..you son did well...and if it wasn;t for people like you..we would not be a family" I mean she WAS grateful..but still...that just doesn't do it for me anymore. ANd I couldn;t really say to her..yeah, but I am better than just monry and things..I have his history, his family... And I tried to keep the issues to the statelaws, etc..the fact that in my situation, the agency totally enabled me to ditch Max's dad's rghts and that is horrible guilt. That I did regret it..and that it was unnecessary in our case..I could have, should have had anyone to really make me think it though..etc. AS I said, he really got that I knew my stuff..and I think was impressed. I guess her brother is in the midst of adopting from Guat and I was able to explain the situation to them and talk about Hauge which they were unaware of. I talked a bit about all the reserch that I have collected that was denied, is denied..how we are messed up for life... and not told by the agencies...tried not to cringe as she told me about how they went private, hooked up with a Gyn or something...didn't blast them for "trolling" as bad behavior..giving out cards...becasue after all..I don't think they really knew that it was bad..they were told that is what they need to do. Should I excuse them? What is forgiveable? I mean, it was a good exchange..with no one being offened...informationa and perscpetives shared. I can hope, that since they come in often, that we can continue this..it won't be awkward..and maybe..there are two mothers someplace north of me, missing their babies, maybe I can convey that now is a good time for contact again? That 15 is just fine? And you know what...even though they were kinda in a place of not knowing really...they STILL supported reform!! YEAH! They congratualted me on doing this...speaking out, going on TV..wanting change.. This is on the tail end of hearing a heartbreaking story from a dear friend who went to Planned parenthood and was given the 1 800 number for a "crisis" pregancy place like 200 miles away...someone with their own "baby saving pro life agenda"..working for PP!!! How her decision was questioned and how insulting and much harder that made it all. I just feel all riled up. I hurt for my friend. I hurt for the nice people in the world who unknowlingly particiapted in bad things. I hurt for kids that just don't know and might never have the courage to ask. I just hate this all sometimes. Most times.